CARLY’S BIRTHDAY :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "So yesterday was Carly’s birthday. And to celebrate it there was a party held in Hollywood at the White Lotus club. And even though (as I’ve often stated) I don’t get out much, and although the thing didn’t start till after ten (a time of evening when I’m often already in bed seeing colors and eating Twinkies) how could I miss attending a super soiree like Carly’s birthday bash?

I couldn’t.

So I went.

And it was cool. And it wasn’t a porn thing. In fact, being the smart guy that I am I figured out it wasn’t a porn thing the moment I walked in: the girl-to-guy ratio leaned heavily to the girl side. There were, however, some porn people there: people like the ever-awesome Adella (Digital Playground’s uber publicist), the oh-so-sexy Kylie Ireland, the not-as-sexy (but still kinda cute) Bryn Pryor, the definitely not sexy Tod (with one “d”) Hunter who was sporting a very Republican looking haircut, the sometimes sexy if you're drunk enough Scott Fayner (who actually looked healthy and sober and not like an inmate at Aushwitz) and uhhh… geez, I’m having an Alzheimers attack. So whoever I’m forgetting, please accept my apoligies for not mentioning you.

Okay, so I rumbled into the parking lot next to the White Lotus in my ’85 Suburban which ain’t exactly a head-turning ride. There’s like 17 Armenian guys on duty in the lot. I was kinda surprised there were so many of them. I asked it they were some kind of Parking Valet Gang but none of them seemed to understand my brand of humor.

“Regular or VIP parking,” one of the heavily-accented Armenians robotically asks.

“Take a good look at this piece of shit,” I answer. “You figure it out.”

“Regular parking… Ten bucks.”

I’m thinking all this guy is gonna do is take my 'Burb out to the street, throw some quarters in the meter, and park it. But what the fuck! What do I care? Somebody steals the fucking heap and it’ll force me to buy something new which I’m way overdue to do anyway.

After dealing with the gang of Armenian valets, I walk to the White Lotus’ front door and get on line.

I hate fucking lines. Finally some door guy says, “Are you here for a private party?”

“Yeah.” I reply. “Carly’s birthday.”

“Who?” he says.

“Carly.”

“Carly who?” he says.

“Carly who’s having a fucking birthday party here,” I say.

“Let me check the list,” he says as he heads off to confer with one of the other brain surgeons guarding the door.

Now I’m thinking, “How many fucking birthday parties could they be having here?”

Like I said, I don’t get out much… and certainly not to Hollywood hot spots.

Finally the guy comes back and sends me to the door where they check my name off a list and usher me in.

I wander around the White Lotus looking for a familiar face but there’s none to be found. I need to take a piss so I manage to locate the lil’ boys room. I go in and there’s this ‘brother from another planet’ standing there all smiles.

“Wussup my brother.” The BFAP says.

“Nada, bro,” I say trying to sound hip and cool and not too friendly and yet still... uhhh… brotherly.

So while I'm trying to mind my business and take a piss, the BFAP starts grilling me on all kinds of shit: Why am I here? What do I do? Who am I? I hate it when strangers talk to me while I'm pissing. I don't even talk to myself when I'm pissing. And worse, I’m starting to think the BFAP is a gay BFAP and he's hitting on me which would be just my luck the first time I get out for some heterosexual nightlife in months.

Obviously, the BFAP doesn't know I don't do pedicures.

Finally, I beg off from the possibly gay BFAP and head back into the club looking for signs of intelligent life.

“Jimmy!” I hear from across the room.

It’s Carly. She jumps up as I approach and she gives me the warmest of hugs which quickly removes the memory of my men's room encounter with the possibly gay BFAP. Then Adella jumps up and does the same. By now, I feel like I've got my completely "straight" Mac-Daddy thing back on as I’m introduced to some of the people at Carly’s table, noting the over-abundance of females sitting there. A few moments later, keeping a wary eye out for the GBFAP, Tod Hunter shows up. And then Scott Fayner walks in. And then Kylie and Bryn and a bunch of others who I didn’t recognize but seemed to know me cuz they apparently read this site (only cuz Carly has mentioned it a few times on her site, Pornblography.com and they followed the link.)

Okay. I hang out for an hour or two. Make talk with some people and head out.

It was fun. It was festive. And most importantly, the birthday girl looked like she was having a grand time!

And that’s what was most important.

One more time: Happy Birthday, Carly!

"


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WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised