Gigi Appleton checks in after reading my article about Jonathon Morgan and Martin Brimmer's bruhaha. Between you and me, I think she liked being quoted, especially by someone as important as me. (Uh huh, yah, right.) So she graciously took some time from her oh-so-busy schedule to expand on the 'there are no porn emergencies' adage.

Here's what my really good friend Gigi has to say:

Darling JimmyD,

I got a giggle out of your piece about the writing snafu and porn emergencies. I like Martin Brimmer and all of the folks at Wicked so I figured I would divert the spotlight and give all the sales people a laugh with what is SUPPOSED to be Porn emergencies:

1. Another company got you to ship EDI and so they got it a day before everyone else. Bad juju!!

2. You forgot to fax Central Buying and now you have to call all the Generals and actually get an order. Dear God!

3. You hear a rumor that someone is going out of business and you scramble to get a truck over there to take what they owe you in product. Then you store it for a year because everyone did the same thing while the product becomes catalog at $2.25.

4. You find out that six other companies have a transsexual title this week and they all start with Beautiful Shemales. Ugh! You pray one is Joey's and they will confuse yours with his.

5. You have yet another feature that you have to sell as a couples film and you hope the gigantic dick in the girl's mouth on the cover will not insult the woman's market. Bwahahahahaha!

6.You find out your master is missing the last ten minutes of the movie. However, no one seemed to notice.

7.You have the hottest new movie with the prettiest girls,hot sex, a plot, locations, great cinematography, fabulous editing and beautiful artwork and everyone orders "Cum-Hungry Bitches Who Live Only To Fuck, Volume 102"
instead.

8. You talk to your biggest client who is only there one hour a week and you tell jokes, trade gossip, flirt like mad and use up the hour so you will be the only one to talk to him only to realize after you hang up that you neglected to ask him how many pieces he wants. This one is a personal recurring nightmare requiring therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!

9.You have to sell a movie that ships the following day and you have not seen the movie, the cast or the artwork and you are not even sure about the title... Time to say it is the "Blown With The Wind " of adult or "Cum-Hungry Bitches Who Live Only To fuck, Volume 102".

10. You call a huge client who owes you big and hear " that number has beendisconnected. YIKES!

I am sure I have missed many. Remember there s no such thing as a Porn Emergency and also, there is no crying in Porn....... Gigi


jimmyD sez: Can ya believe this? A whole comedy routine aimed ONLY at porno salespeople? And with nothing but jokes that ONLY they are gonna get! Who coulda known?








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