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_POSTEDON 2002-05-24 20:20:16 by jimmyd

News jimmyd _writes "

It's been just over a week since my cute, Asian eye doctor dug out my over-sized, blindness-causing, cataract the good old fashioned way. Today, she examined my eye and gave it a good report card, but also revealed some stuff that I hadn't heard before: That it will be 6 months before the final verdict is in! Six months? I want a re-trial! Last time anyone mentioned time, I was hearing 4 to 6 weeks. How did we jump from 4 to 6 weeks to 6 months in seven lousy days?

So here's the deal: The eye looks good, healing nicely, no swelling or infection. The double-vision is gone. That's right, gone! In fact, on Day Three after the surgery, I'm sitting there in my nice, easy, comfy chair--a comfy chair much like the comfy chair used by the Spanish Inquisition in that Monty Python sketch, except mine reclines and I don't think the Inquisition's did--anyway, I'm sitting there watching something stupid on the tube when I suddenly realize I only see one TV set! That's right, there's only one screen there with only one stupid show on, which one might think would make the show only half as stupid, but no, it's actually more stupid. So I jump up and begin looking everywhere, trying to find two of anything, but I can't, except things that are supposed to be in two's like my feet.

Incredibly, my double-vision has miraculously corrected itself. I feel like someone took me to Lourdes and forgot to mention it. Anyway, since Day Three I only see single-vision which is good because now I don't feel like I'm going to puke all the time.

The doctor was very happy to hear about the double-vision becoming single-vision, but when I ask her how come I can't focus my eye on anything, she get's real serious and all doctorish and tells me about the 6 month thing.

Here's why it's going to take six months: They made a pretty big incision in my eyeball. It's eliptical, i.e., upside down eliptical, like a frown, at the top of my eye. They put stitches in at 12 o'clock, and at 9, 10, 11, 1, 2, and 3 o'clocks. They made the stitches real tight so they purposely distorted the shape of my eyeball. Don't ask me why, I don't have a freakin' clue. And don't ask me what shape it is, an egg for all I know. So now in three weeks, which will be the end of Month One since the surgery (they really talk like this, like it's the military, or NASA), they will remove a stitch, most likely at 12 o'clock (but maybe at 11 and 1 as well). We'll then wait till the end of Month Two and re-check the eye and see how I see as the eye will now have a new shape, maybe like a pear? I don't know. But it seems this shape-shifting procedure is kind of a trial and error thing, which doesn't exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy, but what am I going to do, go to Eye Doctor School?

They may then take out stitches at 10 and 2 after Month Three, wait a month, take another look, and decide about stitches at 9 and 3 at the end of Month Four. You get the picture, right? My eye gets to shift into all kinds a geometric shapes, and when they find one that's right, they'll let it stay that way.

I was also told they may do some kind of laser thing because the bionic lens they implanted is hazy (I guess someone forgot the Windex), and the laser will take care of that.

After all this is done, we're going to wait till the end of Month Six, figure out where my eye is at this time--vision wise--and then measure for optometric correction, that is, a pair of glasses that hopefully won't have the bottom of a Coke bottle for the right eye.

So there you go. The promised update. Oh, if T.C. Coley, Jr. is reading this, thanks for the encouraging words.


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