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_POSTEDON 2002-05-27 12:36:35 by jimmyd

News jimmyd _writes "

My phone rang the other night, and much to my chagrin, it was Jonathon Morgan. Yep, the Wicked Pictures contract director, accused movie credit thief, and alleged megalomaniac was calling JimmyD to set the record straight on this Martin Brimmer thing.

Like a schoolgirl being phoned and asked out on her first date, I was suddenly giddy. Why? Because this was the first time I'd been phoned by someone--anyone--wanting to set any kind of record straight about something I'd written on simplyjimmyd.com. Robert Lombard and I spoke after I wrote about him once, but Robert didn't actually make the initial phone call--he emailed me-- so technically this one counts as the first time someone's called. Plus I knew Jonathon didn't 'just' have my cell phone number. He had to track it down. He had to work to get my number. He had to get in touch with others to find me. He could have simply emailed me from the site like Lombard did. But Jonathon needed immediate contact. Jonathon needed to reckon with me on a one-on-one basis. And he needed to do right away, before the shit spun completely out of control.

"I've arrived," I thought to myself, "I'm now a real porn journalist!" The sense of power was heady and I had to do work hard to maintain my usual, regular-guy, self.

"Jimmy, Jonathon Morgan here, I just read your site. I had no idea you even had a site!" His voice sounded humble. He was on the phone to plead his case.

But his opening remark was Strike One for Jonathon. I didn't like his tone at all. He thinks I'm too stupid to write a porn news site? He's telling me he's never heard of simplyjimmyd.com? He's telling me there's an Anyone who's anyone in porn who's never heard of simplyjimmyd.com? Way to go, Jonathon. Try to make me feel insignificant right from the start, huh? Even with that crackling faux-humility in your voice, huh? Smooth move. But then, you're calling me, pal. So maybe I'm a bit more significant than I think, uhmm...than you think...than anyone thinks. So there!

"Listen, Jimmy, I'm calling because I want to give you an opportunity to ask me anything, any question at all. You have a question, I don't care what it is, you ask. And by the way, the way you wrote that article....very clever. I loved the 'porn emergency' thing. So true. And remember when I won that AVN Award and your movie 'The Sopornos' lost? Do you remember what I said at the podium in front of those thousands of people? I said I thought 'The Sopornos' was going to win. Do you remember me saying that?"

"Yeah, I remember," I answered, thinking to myself that flattery ain't getting this guy out of this one, even if I do like it.

"So go ahead, ask me anything about this at all. But please remember, I hold no grudge against Martin. Martin's an incredible writer and he's been a good friend. And whatever comes out of this, if 'Turning Point' wins next year, and I'm at that podium again, I'll make sure Martin gets all the credit for the writing. I mean that. All the credit! And I'll make sure he gets the trophy if it wins for writing. You remember when Nic Cramer held out on him with that trophy? I personally made calls to Nic on Martin's behalf. So go ahead, ask me anything."

I was about to do so, when Jonathon jumped in again.

"And next year, Jimmy," he says "I hope you have something to go up against me with because you and Cash Markman are my only real competition in the feature comedy category. So I really hope you have something coming up that's really funny. By the way, did I tell you that I have my own, personal copy of 'The Sopornos' in my my own, personal video collection? I do. I love that movie. I also have a copy of 'Making Sex.'

"Shooting Sex," I correct him.

"Oh, yeah, 'Shooting Sex,' that movie is hysterical. One of the funniest ever. A classic. You're incredible in it. You and Rob. Great direction! Funnier than hell! But, go ahead, ask me anything, anything at all."

I'll admit Jonathon's pretty slick. He's succeeded in softening up my normal hard-boiled journalistic style. Plus he's completely diverted my train of thought. I'm not even thinking about the bullshit with him and Brimmer at this point. All I'm thinking about is the fact that I don't even own a personal, porn video collection. And now, while I'm on the phone with my ultimate, porn-comedy, rival, all I can think of is that I'll never really be a great, porn-comedy director, and I'll certainly never beat his ass at the awards because I don't even watch other people's porn, much less have a personal collection.

"Alright, Jonathon," I manage to say, my mind still elsewhere, " Uhmmm...did you steal part of the writing credit from Martin on this movie?"

"No." Jonathon answers without missing a beat.

"Okay. That's all I need to know. Listen, Jonathon, I'm actually kind of late for a..."

"That's it?" Jonathon asks. "That's all you want to ask me?"

"Well, that's pretty much what this is all about, isn't it?" I answered, my mind now becoming filled with self-doubt regarding my skills as both a porn comedy writer and director, AND a porn journalist.

"Come on, Jimmy. I don't even put the credits on the movie." Jonathon insists, shaking me back to reality, "They have this other guy who does them and he just figured this movie was like any other and he took it upon himself to assume that both Martin and I wrote the script. I didn't know anything about it. And what does Martin expect Wicked to do? Recall about five thousand units because there's a mistake in the credits?

"You guys sold five thousand pieces of that? I asked skeptically.

"I don't know," Jonathon responded. "Sure, something like that. They're not all hits, but this one is. But I want you to know, and I want Martin to know...in fact I want everyone to know, I didn't steal anything from Martin. It was an honest mistake that I didn't have any part of. I'm sorry it happened. I've emailed Martin about this. You probably saw my email on the Luke Ford site, and you probably saw his reply. I'm sorry he was hurt over this and that our relationship has suffered over this, but I didn't steal anything. It was a mistake, and one I didn't make."

I could whip out some cheap comments right now. You know, stuff like Jonathon sort of sounding like Richard Nixon when 'Tricky Dick' said, "I'm no crook!" But the truth is, everything Martin contends is, well, is just that: stuff Martin contends. And everything Jonathon says is either a lie or the truth because the fact of the matter is this: Only Jonathon, and a few others at Wicked, know what really happened. Martin can only speculate.

So there you have it. It's a multiple-choice question. Everything you've read and heard about this Martin Brimmer/Jonathon Morgan credit-stealing thing is either: (Please circle one of the following)

1) The Truth; 2) A Lie; 3)Speculation; 4) All of the Above; 5) None of the Above.

Personally, I'm going to refrain from circling any of them. I'd rather just stay friendly with both these talented guys. Besides, I want to know about this Rog T. Pipe thing, and Michael Zen's involvement in the alleged robbery of Rog's credit by Raven Touchstone one some other Wicked movie. Does this shit never end? Wicked again?

I smell a conspiracy here, and my finely honed journalist's intincts tell me there's an even bigger story with this one.


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