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_POSTEDON 2002-06-02 11:38:33 by jimmyd

Happy Headline jimmyd _writes "

Reuters reports that PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat has stepped down in the wake of growing discontent with his leadership. In an unprecedented move, PLO officials have named American pornographer Mike South (pictured left at a recent news conference) to replace the beleagured leader.

In a hastily assembled news conference, South told reporters that he intends to bring stability to the war-torn region.

South's interest in Middle-East politics became evident when he recently urged Congress to halt arms shipments to Israel, and encourage trading other commodities.

"Don't yall think these Israelis have enough Amercian firepower?" South asked members of Congress. "We oughta be tradin' pork bellys with them Hebes, not fighter jets!"

South was asked if he intends to open face-to-face negotiations with Israel.

"A little bit of Southern hospitality, and I'll have that Aryan Sharon, or whatever his name is, eatin' outa my hand," South responded. "Yall might not know this, but workin' in porn gives ya some real good experience with Jews. Bein' a pornographer, I know how to talk to Jews, work with Jews, and if I have to, I know how to fuck them Jews at their own game!"

South also used the news conference to announce a new series he intends to produce and star in: "Since I'm here anyway, I'm gonna do a show I'll probably call 'Mike South's Middle-East Cuties,' but I might be callin' it 'O Little Whores of Bethlehem,' or 'Jerusalum Jizzabels.' I'll be lookin' for some local girls. West Bank, East Bank, hell, I don't much care as long as they're nasty."

When asked what his first official act might be, South responded, "I'm changin' the name of the PLO. It ain't gonna be the Palestinian Liberation whatever the hell it is anymore-- it's now gonna be the Palestinian Libertarian Organization. I'm a Libertarian, and by God, a little good ole fashioned American Libertarianism will do these sand ni..... I mean these A-rabs some good!"

Simplyjimmyd.com will bring you all the important developments as this international story unfolds.


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