You probably already figured out this is gonna be a Sin City story because of their Valentine's Day Commemorative Logo posted with the story here. But damn! There's a lot of news today in pornville. So I probably should lead off with something about the firebombing of Metro Studios.

The usually glib and talkative Harry Weiss, Metro's PR guy, remains somewhat mute on the subject. Was it a fired employee? Was it anti-porn activists? Has Al Qaida targeted Ron Jeremy? Was it Gauge hoping Skeeter was in the building? Was it Skeeter hoping Guage was in the building? Was it Harry overseeing another dumb publicity stunt? Did Mike McCormick and Mike Adams break up? Was it related to the death of John Gotti? I guess we'll all have to wait and see.

Then there's the threatening letters from Utah from someone named Chad Luke. Personally, I think the name holds the key. Hmmm.... Chad... a country in Africa...and isn't there some fish called chad? Chad's a gay guy's name, right? There was Chad Everett who played Dr. Joe Gannon in 'Medical Center' (pretty good trivia, huh Todd?), but I don't think he was gay. And there was Chad of the two-guy group, Chad and Jeremy, who were part of the Sixties British invasion, and since it's two guys, they could have been gay. I also think there was a St. Chad, but I have no idea if he was gay. And I'm not saying gays are behind any of this anti-porn terrorism because I know most gays like their porn. In fact, they like it so much they pay more for it than we pay for hetero porn. But that's another story.

And how about the Luke part of the name? There's an obvious tie-in between the name Luke and porn: Luke Ford. But somehow, I don't think there's much more of a connection than coincidence. Well, someone will figure this shit out because what really caught my eye in all that porn news that spewed forth today was the Sin City announcements.

Check it out:

"Sin City Entertainment announced today that, in their continuing effort to bring the consumer the freshest and most entertaining adult product..."

Well, at least we know they're trying to be fresh and entertaining.

"...the company is undergoing several production-related changes. Of major significance is the announcement that Scott Justice has been named Director of Production. Justice will oversee Sin City’s entire Production schedule. “I’m excited about my new position with the company and share the same commitment to excellence that Sin City has to producing the finest adult product in the marketplace,” explained Justice."

Whoa! Hold on a minute! Hasn't this Justice guy already been in charge of production over there for quite a while now? Personally, I don't know him. Although I gotta tell ya Scotty boy, your reputation on the mean streets of porn ain't exactly sterling. But that's neither hear nor there, because ya know what? I smell some serious in-fighting that had to be resolved with this announcement. I used to be part of that Sin City clique, and let me tell you, when the in-fighting starts over at that company, you can smell the stench of it all the way up to San Francisco!

David Sturman, aka Matt Taylor (David's goyem porn name), must have had to leave his stronghold in the bay area, Castle GVAwest, and ride into Dodge on his great, white, steed and straighten everything out. Which is no big deal for Dapper Dave, because the XXXDon loves coming to town and straightening shit out. He always has and always will. When I worked there, we used to pretend there was all this fighting going on--you know, we'd set it up like a really bad Harry Weiss Metro publicity stunt--and David would always come charging down to make everything right. And just so you know, the man's damn good at it, too! Straightening shit out, I mean, from horseback.

"Michael Raven remains in place at Sin City in a primarily creative capacity working alongside Justice as an Executive Producer..."

Raven and Justice. Is it just me, or do they sound like a couple of superheroes from Marvel Comics? It's 'The Raven' from the 'Scott Justice League!' You think they did that on purpose? I'll bet that Mark Snyder, you know, the other Matt Taylor, came up with those names just so they'd sound like super heroes.

And while I'm on the subject of other Matt Taylors, does Justice also get to be a 'Matt Taylor' now that he's officially in charge of production? I think they should have a 'Matt Taylor of the Month' contest at that company. That would build morale. Each month the winner gets a really convenient parking space--comparable to any Israeli employees--right in the front lot. Also, whatever movies are produced that month, well, when the winner sees the credits on those particular movies, they know the 'Matt Taylor ' listed there in the credits is actually them, uhmm, for that month.

"...Raven promises the team will continue to be a creative powerhouse."

What the fuck else is Mikey gonna promise? They left him in a 'primarily creative capacity' right? So that's what he does now. Creative stuff...primarily.

"In other Sin City news, the company has announced that performer, Jessica Drake is no longer under contract with the company. Ms. Drake’s contract has expired, and Sin City has opted to go in another direction."

A beautiful babe's contract expires and they say they've opted to go in another direction? What does that mean? They're going where? In what direction? Gay films? In that direction? I guess that explains that fey logo.

"Sin City spokesperson..."

Wait a freakin' minute. A spokes-what? Person? Who wrote this wussy shit? I can understand when the spokesperson is a female, you know, calling them a spokerperson and all so you don't sound like a chauvinist pig, but if it's a guy, it's a spokesman. Get it guys? A spokesMAN. Geez, I think they really are moving in a gay direction over there.

"Scott Stein explains, “Sin City wishes Jessica the very best. We feel our relationship has been mutually beneficial. Sin City believes in the ‘contract girl’ and is engaged in a nationwide talent search, where we can introduce a fresh, new talent to the adult consumer.”

Is this Scott guy the rocket scientist who came up with the Britney Spears idea a while back? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know, whoever it was, it was lame. A million bucks for Britney to fuck on tape? Britney makes a million for sneezing. You guys are so outa touch. The press didn't even pick up on it. Well, except AVN, but they don't really count as the press. Hey! How about a million for Jennifer Lopez to kick off a Spanish line? LaToya Jackson would look good on a box cover too. And don't you hate it when they talk about a company like the company is an actual person? Especially a porn company. If porn companies were actual persons, they'd be--most of them at least--the most detestable, piece-of-shit, scumbags around. Anyway, Scott says, 'Sin City wishes...' Yeah, yeah, yeah, WRONG!!! Sin City doesn't wish jack, Scott! It's a company dude! It has no thoughts! It doesn't wish! And it also doesn't believe in anything, like when you say it believes in the 'contract girl.' How fucking lame is that? What does that mean? That you believe in the concept of contract girls? That you believe in girls when they are contract girls? But what happens when they've (gulp) expired? You don't believe in them anymore? They have expired ,ergo they don't exist? Hey Jessica! They don't believe in you anymore, babe! Now your right there with Fairy Godmothers, the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy. And besides, what is this? A religion? Are you guys the 'Church of Latter Day Porn Jews and Contract Girls?' Let me ask you a question, Scott. Do they actually pay you to come up with this shit? Hey David! I guarantee I can write better shit than that. Pay me to write some of this crap!

And as long as I've gotten politically-incorrect here by bringing up Jews, I might as well bring up Israelis who weren't mentioned at all in the press release even though they are a major force at Sin City in nearly every facet of the company. In fact, I'm guessing they were PURPOSELY not mentioned. Personally, I can't explain how they escaped beyond the confines of the duplication room and ended up in other areas of the business, like production. It isn't like they shined as duplicators. I mean, c'mon! Go and look up any list of the worst duplication in the XXX biz and you'll always find Sin City right there with Vivid and a few others. So with that in mind, it's totally beyond my ability to understand how they (the Israelis) were so rewarded and allowed to slip their hands into other Sin City cookie jars.

But then, there have always been so many unanswered mysteries in what I like to call (for short), 'David Sturmam's Official Sin City Long Range Carefully Thought Out Strategic Porn Business Plan.'


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