JIMMYD A RUN-OF-THE-MILL ASSHOLE :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "The other day I was called a 'run-of-the-mill asshole.' Normally, I have a sticks-and-stones attitude towards name-calling. But I must admit this really bothered me. It wasn't the 'asshole' part, but the other, the 'run-of-the-mill' part, that stung like a bee.

If you're going to be an asshole, or rather, be considered an asshole by others, your level of 'asshole-ness' should count for something. It should be asshole-specific. It should be the type and kind of asshole that would allow description, e.g., 'What a low-life, trailer park, white trash, degenerate lying asshole he is,' or 'What a backstabbing, fuck-his-own-Mother, prick of an asshole he is!'

I don't know about the rest of you, but if I'm going to be an asshole, I'd rather be a backstabbing, prick of an asshole, than a generic, vanilla, run-of-the-mill asshole. At least being a backstabbing prick of an asshole has some bite to it. And it partially explains (at least in simplistic, broad terms) what kind of an asshole the asshole is. It may not be very complimentary, but it is to-the-point. And when people hear it, they at least have some idea of what kind of an asshole they're dealing with, or what kind of an asshole they're being called. But the run-of-the-mill asshole? Everyone's clueless. They will simply think this person should be lumped in with a million others like him, you know, just your average asshole, which I guess is what this person was saying about me, and like I said, that hurt.

Not to mention the fact that in the porn biz, a business so jam-packed, so intensely populated with every kind of stinking asshole known to man and woman that it's busting at the seams with them, to be called a 'run-of-the-mill asshole' truly fucking sucks! It's bad enough I have to endure those three-and-a-half star reviews from AVN, but now I'm just a three-an-a-half star asshole? That sucks beyond belief!

Personally, in all my endeavors (asshole or otherwise), I've always tried to be something other than a Brand-X, plain-paper-wrapped, generic kind of guy. Most of the things I've pursued in my life have, at the very least, had the potential to stand out--to be remembered, to shine. I'm not saying I've always succeeded at these things, and if truth be known, I mostly have not. But at least in the design stages these endeavors included even more detailed plans to make the overall plan's outcome a memorable one.

In the case of being an asshole, and there have been more than a few times when I've diligently worked at being one, I've always, always, always tried to be both a complete asshole, and quite intentionally, a very specific kind of asshole: An asshole that stands for something, no matter how bad of an asshole that something might make me.

And now, I get this email--from someone I've known for more than a few years--and granted this someone is pissed at me for something I'm not going to get into, and in his anger, calls me a 'run-of-the-mill asshole.' More specifically, saying I've become a 'run-of-the-mill asshole,' which means that it's been an evolutionary kind of thing. And by doing so, he does not even give me credit for being any kind of special asshole. Well, like I said, that hurt.

But I promise this, not just to you, the guy who's labeled me a 'run-of-the-mill asshole,' but I promise everyone from now on whenever I'm intent on being an asshole, I'm going to be a complete, total, and very specific kind of asshole!

My eyes are wide open now. I have seen the light of the great asshole spirit, and I vow to be the kind of asshole that other assholes will aspire to be.

I will be a premium, Grade-A, asshole!

And who knows? Maybe someday I'll be fortunate enough to become an uber asshole!

"


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