Another DigitalG shoot yesterday, and as before, it ran like a Rolex. Robert Lombard's producing skills rival those claimed by Justice League superheroes.

The photo-shoot took place in a studio in West Los Angeles, not far from the Fox lot. As before, top British fashion photographer Simon, along with Danny the Art Director, and Kevin (Simon's assistant), were already setting up when I arrived. As was makeup artist Marianne, along with the makeup-artist-formerly-known-as-adult-star-Shelby Stevens. The two were putting glam faces on the ever-exotic Syren, and the put-a-lump-in-your-pants girl,and Direct TV show hostess, Jacey Andrews. Another makeup artist, her name I didn't catch, arrived shortly after I did, and as she walked in, so did just-back-from-a-month-in-Russia, TJ Hart. We now had three makeup people hard at work on three, beautiful models.

I let Marshall the PA unload my equipment as I hadn't had breakfast and I noticed Craft Services had set up a little mini-buffet of eggs, grilled potatos, sausage, fresh fruit, bagels with all the fixin's, pastries, and all kinds of other yummy stuff that my boyish figure really didn't need.

It was to be another tough day at the office for your's truly, with an abundance of great food, and a bevy of gorgeous naked women! Plus, at the end of the day, I get paid too.

I had some time to kill before I needed to shoot behind-the-scenes of the first photo session. I made a tongue-in-cheek remark about being accustomed to Starbucks in the morning. Before I could say, "Hey, just kidding!" a PA was dispatched to the nearest Starbucks to grant my wish. I was thinking about how it's sometimes hard to go home to my normal, self-service life after being spoiled like this, when in walks Mr. Luke Ford. (I soon find out Robert invited Luke to stop by, just for the fun of it.)

"Lukey!" I shout. Luke and I quickly exchange secret porn journalist's gang signals with our fingers and hands, and then shake the secret porn gossip columnist handshake. As Luke tried to pull me in close for a gay, passionate, kiss, I pulled away and looked him over. He looked his usual preppy self. I noticed he was wearing one of those Jewish beanies. "Lukey, your beanie lost its propeller," I joked. Luke seemed a bit embarrassed by my remark, which was it's intent, of course, and he quickly pulled off the beanie and stuffed it into his pocket.

Maybe it's cruel, and maybe I'm being a run-of-the-mill asshole, but I've always felt quite at ease making Jew jokes on Luke. After all, every Jewish person I know has told me (providing they also know Luke or know of him), that Luke ain't a real Jew. And my Vulcan logic tells me if I make fun of someone for being a Jew, but they are, in reality, not a Jew, than I'm not really commiting anti-semitism. It's like when a white guy who's your really good friend says something really, really stupid and you shake your head and say, "Nigger, please." What's the big deal? It's a popular and funny saying some black comedian coined, and it caught on with everyone, black and white, right? It ain't like I called some African-American citizen the "N" word. And I admit I'd probably refrain from saying something like that while waiting for a take-out order at some rib joint just in case someone misunderstood where the remark was being directed, or the spirit in which it was being used, but c'mon! Whoop-dee-fucking-doo, okay?

Anyway, it was good to see Luke, and great to have him there because now I had Luke's balls to bust, plus I could safely do Luke-Jew jokes right there in the middle of one of the most heavily Jewish-populated areas of the Greater Los Angeles Area, and only a block or two--according to Luke--from the actual temple that tossed Lukey out on his heiney! It's like getting your dick sucked by some guy's wife while the guy is only a few feet away, but has no idea what's going on. Cool, huh?

I'm kidding already. Sheesh.

OK, so the first few photo sessions go off without a hitch. I shoot the models, I shoot the photographer, I shoot the models being shot by the photographer. I'm just your basic get all the coverage they need kind of guy. We shoot some interviews, and then we shoot some scripted gags for the DirectTV stuff, and then I find out that our show's hostess, the luscious Ms. Jacey Andrews, will also be getting in front of the photographer's lens, and she'll be doing so sans clothing.

It's unusual for me to work with babes in front of my camera who aren't eventually naked, uhmm, in front of my camera. Up to this point, I'd only seen Jacey wearing a few provactive outfits, but never so much as a hint of pink or a flash of bare nipple. But it finally looked as if Jacey would not remain an exception to this rule. When the magic moment arrived for Ms. Andrews to be on the set in her birthday suit, I was not disappointed. In the legendary words of one of my all-time comic superheroes, Jackie Gleason, "...hommina hommina...hommina...hommina..."

Alright, moving forward. I won't discuss lunch because I don't want people to think I'm all about food, which for the last 9 or 10 months, I sort of am. But I have to tell you, it's been since last September that a cigarette has dangled from my lips, and now, almost 50 pounds later, I'm all about food in a terrible way and it makes me want to go back to smoking just so I can lose weight and get back to my only 'kinda' overweight status!

The next girl to show up was Ava Vincent. Personally, I think Ava is one of the sexiest girls in the business. I've worked with her a few times and while she's a bit, uhm, eccentric in some ways, she can turn in a powerful acting performance, as well an intense sexual performance.

It's obvious Ava is in an altered state from the moment she arrives. Beyond that description, I'll keep quiet. I'm an experienced pornographer with some 60's love-child training. I know all about altered states--having experienced many of them myself--and I have some experience in dealing with them in others. But when it came time for Ava's interview, her altered state took a bizarre and comic turn that both Jacey and I were unprepared for.

Jacey, mic in hand, introduces her, "And now we have the lovely and talented Ava Vincent, this year's AVN Award winning Best Supporting Actress for VCA's 'Succubus.' Ava, what did you like best about working on that movie, and, oh, who was the director of Succubus?"

"Jim Enright." Ava says.

"Cut!" I say, dropping the camera and looking at Ava. "What did you say?"

"I don't remember." She shrugs, girlishly.

"I thought you said Jim Enright." I say.

Ava shrugs again. She's very sexy when she shrugs like that, so I calmly allowed her to continue without playing twenty questions.

"Ok. let's try this again, sorry Jacey. Ready Ava?"

Ava nods. Jacey does the intro again and when she gets to the part about who directed the movie, Ava answers.

"Jim Enright."

"Cut!" I say, now growing impatient. "Ava, Jim Enright didn't direct that movie. I directed that movie,"

"Ok," she says.

"No. Not Ok," I mimic her. "I directed the movie."

"I know that." She says matter-of-factly.

"Alright, let's try it again." I raise the camera to my eye.

Blah, blah, blah, says Jacey, and "Who directed that movie, Ava?"

"Jim Enright." She says.

"Cut!" I shout. "You said Jim Enright again!" I railed at her. "That's three times you've said Jim Enright. Jim Enright did not direct that movie. I did. And you won Best Supporting Actress. And you also shared an award for Best Group Sex Scene which the movie also won. Ava, you were on that set for three days. Do you remember when we shot that movie?"

"Of course I do," she says eyeing me like I'm suddenly retarded.

"Ok. And who directed Succubus?"

"You did." She said, again with the "Jimmy's a dumbshit" look.

"And what role did you play?" I asked her.

"I was the succubus. I was the title character." She says. "Like you didn't know that!"

"Yeah, I did know that. And do you know who directed you in the movie?"

"D'uh!" she says, "you did."

"And who am I?" I asked, suddenly considering the possibility that she honestly had me confused with Jim Enright, which would be a first, although I've been confused with Bud Lee on more than a few occassions.

"Jim DiGiorgio." She says, then corrects herself, "James DiGiorgio."

"So why do you keep saying Jim Enright directed my movie?"

"Because you told me he did." She says.

"What?" Now I'm stupefied. "I told you Jim Enright directed my movie? When did I tell you that?"

"Just a little while ago," she shrugs.

Jacey and I exchange concerned looks. "I told you Jim Enright directed my movie, Succubus, just a little while ago?"

"Yep," she says. "That's what you said, so don't get mad at me!"

I was now bewildered. I looked to Jacey, hoping she had gleaned some kind of explanation from all of this, that she understood, but the dumbfounded expression on her face said it all.

Now I realized this was no case of some porn-bimbo busting my balls. Ava was dead-on serious about what she thought, and she thought I told her Jim Enright directed a movie that, consciously, she knew perfectly well I had directed. For a moment, I considered the possibility that I could plant some kind of hypnotic suggestion in her brain, you know, since I already thought she was pretty damn hot and all (despite her altered state), maybe I could dupe her into believing that I was sexually irresistible to her, or something like that. It's not like it would be date rape or anything like that! But good sense prevailed. This Jim Enright thing was no suggestion--hypnotic or otherwise--that I planted in her head. Wherever it came from, it didn't come from me.

"Ok. I'll tell you what, Ava. Jacey will ask you again, but this time we'd like you to say that Jim DiGiorgio directed the movie that Jim DiGiorgio directed, instead of Jim Enright. Can you do that?"

"Sure," she says, "if you changed your mind, and now that's what you want me to say, no problem."

And sure enough, that's what she said, and continued the rest of the interview in quite a normal way.

Our last girl of the day was Jessica "Mrs. Evan Stone" Drake. This is the first time I've ever met her, and what a freaking hottie! And guess what? Jessica, it turns out, is a big simplyjimmyd.com fan! No, I mean it. She comes up to me and gives me the best hug I've had in recent memory and tells me she's wanted to meet me for a long time, and how she reads my site all the time, and how I'm so funny, and all at once I'm floating on Cloud Nine as this incredibly beautiful and sexy young woman is making this grizzled, old pornographer blush like a turnip while she stands there, mostly naked, her arm over my shoulder, as I'm apologizing for my sweaty t-shirt and she's telling me she likes sweat and, damn, if that wasn't the high point of my whole fucking day!

Evan and Jessica are a really cool, funny, friendly, talented couple whom I sincerely hope defy all the fucking odds, and together they live long and prosper despite this fucking business we're all in---trying to pay the vig on some Karmic debt that I believe we all owe from somewhere back in some previous moments in time.

Robert, once again, thanks for making it all seem more like play than work!




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