It seems everyone's lips and tongues are dripping wet speculating whether this new voice (Scoop) on lukeford.com is actually an old, familiar voice, that is, that it is the voice of everyone's favorite Australian-wannabe-Jew-Matt-Drudge-like-porn-reporter, Luke Ford.

I received this quasi-annonymous email from a simplyjimmyd reader. I think this reader speaks for many:

Dear JimmyD:

Those of us who read it only for the gossip, the back-biting, and the comedy (and cover our heads with a bedsheet when confronted with nekkid girlies) need to know - is Luke Ford the new "voice" at the site called, well, LukeFord.com? Has Lukey come back?

If so, this pushes us far over the edge into the murkiest conspiracy to hit the porn industry since the Hong Kong triads repossessed Houston's face and replaced it with a slab of painted rubber.

I think the question begs to be asked if Luke Ford ever really sold LukeFord.com. Was he simply lying low and writing under a series of horrible pseudonyms in order to pull the wool over the eyes of his Zionist moral guardians? Was he really Kid Vegas? Has anyone seen them in the same room at the same time?

How odd... Kid Vegas "retires" (and the world weeps. They're having rallies in Khartoum right now, begging him to reconsider robbing the world of his genius.) just a matter of weeks before the "new guy", Scoop, takes over LukeFord.com.

I suppose the real question is: what are the Zionists going to do when the story leaks out that the world's favourite Nice Jewish Goy has gone back to his transgressive roots in pornography? Will Mossad nail a Vlasik pickle to his door as a warning?

C'mon JimmyD... You were looking for a new inspiration. You spent a week going on about Slain Wayne, acting like you'd never seen a blond head over a pair of tits before (and I must applaud you. I haven't been that convinced by a performance since Jack Nicholson was handed a joint and said, "What's this?" in Easy Rider.)

This story needs to be broken. Who is Scoop, is he Luke Ford, and who's pulling Lukey's strings? And what the hell is going on with that bizarre book project of his, interviewing producers? What's next: Luke Ford on a Century of Foley Editors and Key Grips?

Unanonymous yet still unknown,

Cali Ruchala
Muchacho Grande, Diacritica Press

Well Senor Ruchala, you certainly have asked the questions more pertinently than any actor who's ever played a D.A. on "Law and Order." And somehow I get the feeling that you think that I know the answers to these questions. Further, that you believe it's somehow my duty to inform the general public of my knowledge, regardless of how I came by it, or what promises I may or may not have made regarding confidentiality.

In other words, Senor Ruchala, you put forth the supposition that I, JimmyD, act as confidant to people like Luke Ford, the other players in and around lukeford.com, and who the hell knows who else, and that I should then break those solemn vows of porn-omerta only to satisfy your lust for insider knowledge begotten at any cost, including my honor! Is that what you're asking? Is that what you want me to do? You want me to sing like almost every freakin' wiseguy in FBI custody since Joe Valachi? You want me to break the trust of others just because you're fucking curious?

Ok.

Yes. Scoop is Luke.

And no, Luke is not Kid Vegas or visa versa.

And now for something completely different: I received another email regarding a situation that I've not written about, but apparently someone out there thinks I should be.

JIMMYD--WHY NO ARTICLES ON THE TROUBLE AT SIN CITY. YOU KNOW ALL THE PLAYERS. ARIE& FAMILY, MARK&WIFE, SHARON, JAMES, TIM AND LETS NOT FORGET DAVID S. WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOUR WEB SITE SOON.

Well sir, in simplest terms, I choose not to write on this subject. Others, like avn.com, generossextreme.com, and lukeford.com, are or have carried the story. You see, I'm just a run of the mill asshole who mostly writes about less exciting shit like Druids, buzzing penises, the Slain Wayne Cult, sex with dolphins, Jewish cowboys, and my own, personal problems.

Sorry to disappoint you.





"