The former webmaster of the now defunct Quasarman Rants, aka Metro's favorite son and run-of-the-mill porn director (even with his recent, token AVN Editor's Choice), aka the nearly always affable Quaze, aka the "Ever-Groovy Cosmic Oracle Known as Q," checks in with his singularly Q-ish take on Digital Playground's new film, "Rush."

To: JimmyD:
Subj: Bravo JimmyD

As I sat in my home office yesterday editing the latest installment of the Metro Series "Finally Legal", I took pause to notice the almost complete absence of car chases and gunplay.

You see, I too had recently viewed the Digital Playground trailer for Nic Andrews new movie "Rush" and, after the initial shock wore off, pondered my own role in the adult entertainment industry. Am I an uninspired, untalented misanthrope churning out pornographic flotsam and jetsam or am I a regular guy who's just doing his job?

Nic Andrews is a talented Director without question, perhaps too talented and too ambitious for a genre of entertainment that desires instant gratification in the form of a post-pubescent welfare recipient receiving a torrent of testicular toffee on the taste buds.

Your most recent post was absolutely correct Jimmy D. When people rent or buy porn, they aren't hoping for car chases or gunplay. They're hoping to rub one out before their wife gets home. This isn't to say that high budget, densely-scripted material can't be erotic. Certainly it can, but under different criteria. Allow me to elaborate.

My wife was an assistant editor on the John McNaughton film "Wild Things" a few years ago. This film starred Kevin Bacon, Matt Dillon, Neve Cambell and Denise Richards. I'll never forget my wife calling me one day to talk about the 3-way lesbian scene in the motel room, the dailies of which she had just seen.

"My god, it's like one of your movies!!!"

Ah hah!! You see, when you go to the theatre and pay 8 dollars to see a "real" movie, you ARE expecting car chases and gunplay. If you also get a scene like the one in the movie "Wild Things," where Neve Campbell pours champagne all over Denise Richards naked body and kisses her passionately while Matt Dillon fucks her, that's a BONUS!!! Not only is it a bonus, but it's pretty friggin' erotic. However, in the utilitarian medium that it is pornography, it wouldn't be considered a bonus to expect 2 hours of hardcore sex on a tape and find car chases and gun play instead. The purpose of "real" movies is to entertain, not provide explicit masturbatory assistance. The purpose of porn movies is ONLY to provide masturbatory assistance and I fear that car chases and gunplay might only serve as an annoying distraction. Conversely, a truly inspired script can be made into a fabulous "real" movie even on a porno budget.

Despite the fact that not a single Evil Angel, Anabolic, or any other gonzo title is shot according to any of the tenets of any film school on earth, they fly from the shelves because they provide what the consumer is searching for: well lit images of strangers fornicating. Don't get me wrong, as a Director/Camera person in this industry for over decade, I could NEVER make a movie like "RUSH." I possess neither the skill nor the patience. It is far beyond the scope of my abilities. If my industry is defined by car chases and gunplay, I am truly a failure. However, if it is defined by being dangerously close to genitals and bodily fluids with a Canon XL1, I am at least a modest success.

The one question that I would like to ask any of our industry's auteurs is this; If you took the sex out of your movie would anyone still want to
watch it? The great directors of our industry recognize their audience and craft stories which enhance the sexual content. (I'm not suggesting that I fall into this category either).

Based entirely on the "Rush" trailer, it looks a thousand times better that anything I've seen on Cinemax after 10pm. Perhaps Andrews and Digital
Playground should market their product to that audience, an audience that is expecting a cheesy T and A movie a la "Hot Springs Hotel," but would indeed find car chases and gunplay a bonus.

Just my opinion,
Q

P.S. I don't believe that Nic Andrews suffers from "Buck Adams Syndrome." His latest movie appears to actually have been completed and all without funding from a gullible dentist. Also, Andrews appears to actually know what he's doing.

Mr. X writes in: Hear here! Your diatribe (I mean that in a good way) reminded me of the time Mrs. X and I tried to sit down and get horny to "Pornogothic." We got so frustrated trying to find the sex I finally ripped it out of the DVD player and stomped on it. Then we put in one of the "Assman" movies from Anabolic and got jiggy.

My bosom buddy, Kiki Daire, decided to put her two, uhmm... cents in:

Hey Jimmyd!

I was reading both your and Quasarman's opinions and couldn't agree more. When I auditioned for Father John, I couldn't help but think that he was one hell of an egotist. I like Nick, but often think thoughts similar of him as well. I might be wrong, but I got into porno to make porno. While I've enjoyed the little acting I've gotten to do, I've never once thought that anyone cared that I pulled off a French accent. People want to get off period. Now they might like a beautifully told passionate story, but they aren't gonna want to spend the time to fast forward through 1 hour of dialogue to get to 15 minutes of sex!

Kiki daire


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