Has anyone else seen the trailer for "My Plaything," the upcoming Jenna movie? Go take a look. Do it, damnit, before I have to hurt ya. Hey, get going! Don't make me come over there! It's right here. Then come back and read my take on it. Of course, if you've already seen it, keep reading. Or if you really don't want to see it because maybe you only have a 56k modem connection and you don't want to wait for the next Ice Age for it to download, then just stick with me here, you'll get my drift. Of course, if you really don't give a shit what my take on it is, what can I say?

How about, "Take a fucking hike elswhere!"

Alright, for those of you still reading, here goes. We shall begin reviewing the trailer by taking a little pop quiz: What's missing from Jenna's trailer that probably should be missing from Jenna's trailer? Right! It's missing cars and guns. For getting that right, you get a shiny gold star on your progress chart (Yes, I keep progress charts on all of you.) Alrighty then, assuming you're all intelligent, sophisticated, insightful people (and I'm guessing you are, after all you're reading simplyjimmyd.com), you should be able to play Sherlock Holmes and deduce that since there's no cars or guns, it stands to reason there aren't any car chases or gun battles either. Whoa! Muy bien! Your catchin' on to this shit.

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing inherently wrong with gunplay and car wrecks in movies, but we're talking sex movies here. And one of the things you don't want to do in a sex movie is anything that tends to upstage the sex, get it? Sex movie... Sex!

Sex movie... Sex!

Sex movie... Wrecked cars! Uh oh!

Ok, hang with me here for a sec: Lets say, hypothetically of course, you drool over Digital Playground's contract star, Devon, or Devin, whichever... well then, you probably want some drool-fulfillment by seeing Devon... naked... engaged in sex; and plenty of it. Right or wrong? I'm right. And probably the only reason you might want to see a speeding car careening down the highway in such a hypothetical movie would be if Devon were getting drilled in the back seat? Again, am I right or wrong here?

Back to Jenna's movie, which by the way, is coming to us from New Sensations: A really terrific company that has yet to hire me as a director. But that's another story.

The trailer begins with Jenna walking out in front of a green screen. This kind of threw me as I expected them to do something cool with the green screen, which they did not, but maybe they let the trailer out before it's done, who knows. I'm not a director there, remember? Of course you remember because I just mentioned it a paragraph ago just in case the New Sensations people didn't realize it. Anyway, in spite of wasting a perfectly good opportunity to 'key' something cool behind Jenna, I have to say that right from the very get-go Jenna grabs you. And she grabs you 'you know where.' After all, what are we selling here? We're selling dreams and pussy. Or dreams OF pussy, whichever you like better.

I'm going to be really candid right now and admit to never having seen a Jenna movie (with the exception of Howard Stern's "Private Parts" which ain't the kind of movie I'm talking about anyway.) But let me again say it... actually. let me re-say it a different way: Jenna sells this movie! The trailer itself, ok maybe I give it a B-, but Jenna, I give her an A+ because she makes me want to see this movie and if truth be told, if I never saw another porn movie again in my life I'd probably be a better person for it.

So what else can I say about this? Jenna stirs my loins. New Sensations probably has a mega-hit on their hands and it looks like they spent just the right amount on it so they'll actually get to see some profits.

Finito. But just let me add: Let it never again be said that all I do is bag other people's shit, even if they've displayed poor judgement by never having hired me... as a director... which they could easily undo with a simple phone call or email.




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