Computers! Man, sometimes they piss me off!

I just read Henri Pachards flattering love tome to Michael Raven on the 'Yes Portal' site and I thought, "Fuck it!" I'll take the bait and have a look at the trailer for this epic masterpiece, "Paradise Lost," which according to the site, cost $125,000 and also according to the site, utilized almost every Hollywood film technician who wasn't currently working for Steven Spielberg. (Man, those guys must work cheaper than I thought!)

The link took me to a site that first begged me to download "Flash" onto my computer. "Fuck them!" I thought, I download what and when I want, not what and when some fucking computer geek webmaster bozo tries to get me to. So I ignore the download ruse and then discover I have to watch this little slide show presentation from the movie before I can do anything else. Finally, I get some options and I'm able to click on the "trailer" button.

Up pops Windows Media Player. But then, a message pops up and it tells me I have to download some VOD (Video On Demand) software and obtain a license. "Fuckin A!" I'm thinking, but I want to watch the trailer. Okay, I'll bite. It's asking me for my email address so it can send me a link to obtain a license for the VOD software. I provide it, then go to my email and copy some hodge-podge of numbers and letters and then go back to paste it on the message hovering over Windows Media, but guess what? Everytime I go back, my 'paster' don't work! "What the fuck?" I'm thinking. So I go back to the email and it says I can click on this link to some site that will authorize my license. I do that. And when I get to this site another message pops up and says, "You are not authorized to obtain this license. If you think you received this message in error please try again." Which I did. About ten fucking times!

And still nothing.

"Fuck it!" I thought. I guess they'll just have to release their fucking epic porn movie by this fucking epic porn director from this fucking epic porn company owned by this fucking epic guy, without some insightful words by your's truly, fucking epic jimmyd, writing about their fucking epic trailer. (If you think I've used the word "epic" too many times, go to the "Paradise Lost" site and count how many times they used it in the first paragraph that describes the story. (I only beat them by a few.)

I will, however review the "Paradise Lost" website. In fact, I'll review it with a single word: Ostentatious...which, of course, always go well with stuff supposedly designed to help you whack off.

By the way, if anyone out there is into conspiracy theories, please let me know if you think I've been targeted for non-authorization to obtain a VOD license to watch this shit. Maybe they read my review of "Rush" and thought it might be better to keep jimmyd out of the loop.

But then, maybe not.

Who the fuck knows?

Not me, that's for sure.


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