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_POSTEDON 2002-09-16 15:46:51 by jimmyd

The Jiz Biz jimmyd _writes "

Someone name of Scoop is now writing for the Yes Portal. I don't know who this guy is (nudge, nudge, hint hint, know what I mean?), but he posted an interview with Scott, a colorful Aussie pornographer, and it's fucking funny!

I lost count of how many times Scott threatened--make that promised--to kick Luke's ass. And each time he did, it was funnier than the previous. It seems Scott sponsors Luke's new site, pornrumors.com And if this ain't a case where business has made strange bedfellows, I don't know what is.

The Aussie complains that Luke once wrote some stuff about him on his site--his original site--lukeford.com which he no longer owns as he sold it and his name in a vain attempt to seek religious redemption from his former Orthodox Jewish rabbi.

Apparently, Luke was none too kind in his description of Scott:

Scoop: "What do you most object to in what I wrote about you?"

Scott: "You categorizing me as a career criminal with links to the Mafia tops the list. I plan to stomp on your face when I meet you."

Scoop: "Didn't you just post to Oprano (a bulletin board hosted by and for webmasters) the same thing?"

Scott: "No. I might be a violent psychopath who's been charged with felonies numerous times but I'm not a criminal and I don't have any links to the Mafia. And you know damn well, being from Brisbane, Australia, that there is no such thing as the Mafia in Australia."

Scoop: "The term 'Mafia' can also mean a clique. It doesn't necessarily mean a criminal enterprise."

Scott: "I'm not in a criminal enterprise or criminal clique, nor is there any such thing... Your attempts to categorize the Australian Porn Mafia as some kind of criminal enterprise when in fact members of the Porn Mafia run publicly listed companies down here and have never been charged with anything worse than parking tickets. You know the full truth. You've met Greg. You've spoken to me. You know all about the players down here. You know all about it intimately because this is your home town. Yet you still published on your board a bunch of stuff that you know to be lies. Now, from where I stand, that's a dishonorable act and in retaliation, when I meet you one day, I'm going to open up a can of whip ass on you, sir."

Man! Gene Ross once accused me of being a writer who "dances with syntax," But Luke takes the cake with this one. In fact, he's like the Fred Astaire of syntax dancing. I went to my favorite online Italian-English dictionary, and when I looked up 'mafia' I sure as hell didn't get 'clique' listed as a synonym. By the way, Luke, "criminal enterprise" is exactly how 'mafia' is described.

Here's Luke trying to squirm out of the ass-beating that exists in his future.

Scoop: "What would I need to do to remove myself from physical punishment at your hands?"

Long silence.

Scott: "Hurting you is a fond dream for me. It's something I'm looking forward to. I'm not chasing you. I'm not looking for you. I just know that one day you'll pop your head up at one of the webmaster meetings. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to it. You'd have to do something pretty nice. You'd have to make do on all the bad things you said and inferred about me."

And now here's Luke letting his journalistic ego jump in at the expense of any clemency he might later receive:

Scoop: "Do I have the capability of doing people serious business damage?"

Scott: "You piss us off. I doubt you could do anything but achieve notoriety. You'll love this. Here's another reason why I want to beat your head in. I'm in jail January 22nd. I'm up before the court on an application for bail. The police prosecutor is making a long submission about why I should be denied bail and languish in jail for two years to wait for my latest trial to come up. And they read out a quote from your site about what an asshole I am."

Is this stuff the best or what? One would think Luke would be learning some valuable life-lessons out of this. In fact, Scott spells it out for Luke in very clear language:

Scoop: "What advice would you give me to lead a better life?"

Scott: "Behave with integrity in your professional dealings and the money flows like water."

Good advice, Scott, but if what you say is true, it practically guarantees Luke remains poor the rest of his life. Here's Luke hearing some more insight which he'll later ignore.

Scoop: "How have you changed in the past two years?"

Jeff: "I've become more tolerant of others. Two years ago, I was going to pull your eyes out and shove them down the back of your pants so you could watch me kicking your ass."

If you want the FULL laugh, go to Scoop's article on the Yes Portal and have a read. Then let's get together and we'll throw another shrimp on the barbie.


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