This afternoon, while waiting for some Middle-Eastern, gyro-and-falafel chef to assemble my authentic Italian deli sandwich at the Asian-owned, authentic Armenian-Italian deli, donut, and ice cream shop, I got a chance to catch most of President Bush's speech. As you may or may not know, the President fell about a half-inch short of declaring war on Iraq. George told the Cincinatti, Ohio audience that the United Nations has failed in its attempts to deal with Saddam Hussein. He said the Iraqis are close to building a nuclear bomb, and they still have plenty of chemical and biological weapons. He quoted John F. Kennedy--which is always a scary thing when it's a Republican who is quoting JFK--and by quoting Kennedy, he likened the Iraqi situation to that dangerous time when the Russians deployed missiles to Cuba, and we all sat poised on the brink of nuclear war. Bush also threatened Hussein's staff with war crimes trials should they carry out any orders from Saddam to use any of these weapons of mass destruction, trials that I guess would take place after we win the war we've yet to declare and round the scoundrels up.

Heavy shit.

George is asking Congress to pre-approve military options should the need arise. And according to Mr. Bush, when Congress approves the use of U.S. military forces to defeat Saddam Hussein--and he seems confident they will--the United States will be sending a clear and concise message to dictators all over the world that the U.S. will not stand for any of their shenanigans. By the way, Mr. Bush is in the habit of correctly pronouncing Saddam's first name, unlike his father who always mispronounced it (purposefully, I think) so as to confuse it with an Iraqi word that has some sort of beastiality/scat connotation.

Now here's the really good news: Not once during the President's fiery speech did he mention the porn biz, nor did he include pornography in his war plans. Good news, huh? He had every opportunity to lump us in with Hussein and he didn't. I guess we can all breathe easier now.

Anyway, once I had my sandwich in hand, I stepped outside and walked towards my car. On my way, I encountered a group of homeless-looking guys milling about, drinking cheap malt liqour from bottles and cans hidden in brown paper bags, and occasionally panhandling from the more upscale looking customers; which was almost everyone who didn't arrive on foot. (Yes, I often patronage stores and restaurants of a ghetto-ish nature.) Anyway, these guys didn't bother me for any change because I try to make it a habit to look like I don't have ten cents in my pockets. It's a survival technique I learned years ago, when I rarely did have ten cents in my pockets. It was during those nostalgic times that I discovered that most of the riff-raff leaves you alone when they assume you're as pennyless and homeless-looking as they are. Anyway, it seems these guys also heard Bush's speech, and it was the subject of their conversation.

"You know that Suh-damn Who-sane mothuhfuckuh tried to kee-ill the man's Daddy! Bush gonna have to do what he gonna have to do," said a guy between paper-bag swigs, who looked like the smartest and most articulate of the bunch.

"Uh huh," said the second smartest-looking guy.

"A world of shee-it 'bout to come down on them Eye-rackee mothuhfuckuhs," the first guy added, pressing his bag and bottle to his lips.

"Uh huh," said the second smartest-looking guy.

I don't have the time to transcribe the entire conversation from my photographic and audiographic memory, but I do want to mention--because I think it's really important--that never once did I hear these homeless-looking, semi-drunken, beggars mention the porn biz in their lively analysis of the President's speech. More proof, of course, that the average American citizen could care less about prosecuting pornographers.

All in all, and in spite of the recent doom-and-gloom reporting I've done in the last few days, I think we can all sleep a little better with the knowledge that porn is neither on the President's mind right now, nor on the collective mind of the man-in-the-street. So forget my earlier outbursts. Go back to business as usual. Do what you've always been doing. All's well.





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