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_POSTEDON 2002-10-13 13:22:59 by jimmyd

The Jiz Biz jimmyd _writes "

Did you read the Snoop Doggy Dogg interview by Xcitement Magazine's Cindi Loftus? I'm gonna invent a new word just for the Snoopster because the word 'ego' simply doesn't cut it. My new word to describe Snoop is 'mego' or maybe 'me-ego' you get the idea. This fucking guy has gone through a serious transition common to many celebrities: believing what their own publicists say about them. Unless, of course, he's always been this impressed with himself.

And Snoop is good! He doesn't wait for opportunties to stroke his own me-ego, this brother sucks his own dick even without obvious opportunities to do so. Here's the interview. If you don't mind, I might add a few of my comments to it. Ok, here goes. Now remember, "X" is Cindi, "S" is Mr. S. D. Dogg, and "J" is me.

X: Weíve been publishing Xcitement for ten years and we have never had a man on the cover. You will be the first.

S: It is an honor to be the first brother on the front.

J: Dude! Snoop! She didn't say "brother," she said "man." You been hanging out with Spike Lee too much.

X: Letís talk about the Hustler video.

S: Itís called ďDiary of a Pimp.Ē Itís an in-depth on going interview with me behind the scenes with me and my lifestyle at my home. It is just showing you how a real cut cuts, ya know what Iím sayiní, the beautiful women and the exotic things that they do for me and how itís nothing for a pimp to make Ďem do it.

X: Really, what type of things can you make them do?

S: I can make them go girl on girl, girl on boy. I can make them take eleven at one time. I can make them do whatever I please. What ever is pleasing for me is pleasing for them.

J: No offense, Snoop, I know you're a cut above all the cuts and all, but don't forget the power of your checkbook, dude. Like when you say, "Whatever is pleasing for me is pleasing for them..." These are ho's bro. You gotta remember What pleases them is your checkbook, my brother.

X: So you are like a sexual puppet-master I guess.

S: Basically, ya know what Iím sayiní, they got pleasure out of pleasing me.

J: No. They got pleasure out of cashing your check. Snoop! Dude! Reality check, hommie. doesn't anyone in your posse keep you straight on this shit? Not to burst your bubble, but I do the same thing all the time. You know, play the sexual puppet-master. And I don't have a clue how a cut cuts. And I certainly ain't the great Snoop Dogg But ya know, D, we only get to yank on them puppet strings cuz of the green we lay on them.

X: Is there a university you go to for that? How do you learn to do that?

S: Itís a class I took in high school called ďPimp-nology.Ē

X: And you graduated with straight Aís?

S: I graduated with a PHD!

J: You graduated with a BFH (Big Fucking Head). Hell-oh! It annoys people, bro. Try a bit of humility. People might kiss your ass for something other than your bank account and your celebrity status.

X: I saw you on Howard Stern and you said you had a stable in every city, is that true?

S: Yeah, thatís how it is. Itís visible and livable.

J: Snoop, you think I could stop by the stable sometime and saddle up one of your mares?

X: So how often do you get to visit each of your stables?

S: Probably about twice a year, but the whole thing is them checking in with me not me checking in with them.

J: Twice a year? Dude, someone's saddling them up when you ain't there, trust me on this one.

X: So you must have some wild parties.

S: Yeah, weíve been known to have some wild parties. Speaking of wild, I have a lot of wild situations going down, ya know, seven days a week when it comes to me.

X: Our readers would like to hear about your lifestyle.

S: When they get to see this movie they will get a more in depth view of how we do what we do.

X: What will people see when they buy the movie?

S: They will see a whole lot of sex. Exotic girls having fun performing. Basically, enjoying themselves while I am sitting back explaining the basic understanding of not just me saying it, but me showing it.

J: You mean you don't fuck none of them whores? Bro, the hommies gonna start thinking your a queer.

X: So this is an instructional video on how to become a pimp?

S: Itís not really instructionally because there are no instructions given, itís just an actual fact. You might be able to learn something, but itís nothing that after watching this you can go home and practice on your girlfriend, youíll liable to not have a girlfriend.

J: You mean like practice going home and sitting back and watching someone else fuck my girlfriend? Damn, can't wait to learn that little trick.

X: (laughs) I heard you talking about being a pimp on Howard Stern. Are you actually a pimp, or are you a player?

S: I think I am a little bit of both. Ya know what Iím sayiní. Every pimp has a little bit of player and every player has a little bit of pimp in him.

J: Actually, bro, I don't have a fucking clue what you're saying, you know what I'm saying?

X: How does a girl get to be in your stable?

S: First of all they have to be well put together, like a sleek piece of leather. They gotta look good. They gotta have a head on their shoulders and they have to be ready, willing and able to be in my stable or theyíll be at home with their Aunt Mabel watching basic cable.

X: What is your ideal women? What do you look for in a stable girl?

S: Actually I donít look for them. They look for me! I donít choose them. They choose me. Thatís the whole point of pimpiní. When youíre pimpiní you never go out and choose because you might make a bad decision. They choose you. I take them when they are misguided and undecided and I give them direction.

J: If they're so freakin misguided and undecided (which I have no doubt they are) how the fuck do they choose you since you don't choose cuz you might make a bad decision. Sounds like all the parties here are misguided and undecided, cuz.

X: How many girls do you think you have in all your stables?

S: Itís hard to count because the stable grows every minute. Its like a seed planted in the ground, by the time autumn comes itís a tree.

J: Yeah, a money tree and they get to pick its fruit.

X: Do you share with your friends?

S: Iím a sharing, caring individual.

J: Cool! So when can I stop by the stable? We're buds, right?

X: What is the wildest sex scene in the movie?

S: Itís probably this one girl getting gang banged by about twelve guys, back to back, to back to back.

J: That's it? That's how a cut cuts? Dude, someone shoots that shit every week.

X: I notice you have a varied career. You are going to be appearing in a Very Muppet Christmas, is that true?

S: Yeah, definitely.

J" Yeah, maybe. I hear Disney already decided you might not be the best role model for kid.

X: What did you do a Christmas rap or something?

S: I canít tell you. I want you to watch NBC around Christmas time. I ainít gonna ruin it for the people who ainít seen it yet.

J: Here's a Christmas rap for ya, D:

"I got my Christmas hos wrapped in Christmas bows...
The candles are burnin' and I gots d' yearnin'
My socks are hung by the chimney with care,
My cock's is hung bitch, suck it if you dare.
I'm cuttin through the mutton,
My sheeps backin up,
Grease my pole bitch, I can't get enough...."

If you want more, have your people call my people.

X: How did you achieve that broad spectrum in your career?

S: I donít know. Youíll have to ask the public.

J: As 'em what? What spectrum means?

X: Well this is the second video youíve done with Hustler. The first one did very well.

S: Top selling adult video in history. This one is even better. The first one was a wild party. This one is more put together. We had a professional writer. He wrote down my ideas and came up with some really swift shit, so this one will be seen and heard for what itís worth.

J: Bubble burst time again, Dogg. Word on the street is that video sold hot cause of the music on it that wasn't available elsewhere. You might be d'man in the rap world, bro. But you ain't the man in the porn world. Hello! Reality check again!

X: How did you end up doing a porn video?

S: I had a bunch of songs from previous albums and albums I was working on at the time, that could never had a video to depict what I was saying that would be played on MTV so I just thought if I put together an adult video to go along with these songs it would be more attractive then me trying to take these songs and do PG versions.

X: You have your own line of clothing?

S: Yes Snoop Dog clothing. Itís at all the big department stores now. Macyís, Robertís and May, Burdines, local swap meets. (laughs)

J: Goodwill....Salvation Army...

X: So people can have the Snoop Dog look?

S: Definitely, youíve got to get your stuff and be cooler than what you are.

X: What is this about the Snoop Deville Car?

S: The Snoop Deville Car by Cadillac for all the famous players around the whole world.

X: How much are you selling that for?

S: $75,000. Weíve got about one hundred orders.

J: What the world needs most: more wannabe pimps.

X: So youíve got it fixed up like what a pimp mobile should be.

S: Exactly. Seats with mink on it.

J: Bet you're a big hit with animal activists, hommie.

X: How did you end up with Hustler?

S: They came to me. They heard about what I was doing and they wanted to have a meeting with me to see what I had and when they seen the product they jumped on it like everybody else.

J: Years ago Ice T almost jumped in. I sat in some of the meetings at Sin City. But Ice had better sense and went on to a big cinema and TV career.

X: Did you negotiate with Larry himself?

S: Naw, I got in with his people and eventually me and him got together and made a deal and thatís what you are looking at now.

X: You have a new CD out

S: Yes itís Welcome to Tha House Doggy style all stars. Vol 1. Thatís a CD with all of my new artists so people will get a chance to see what artists I have and what they sound like and what they look like before their records come out. I also have my solo record coming out November 26.

X: So the new one that is out is a compilation tape?

J: Hmmm...Compilation tape.... You're learning your porn lessons well, young Doggwalker.

S: Sorta, kinda, we call it a sound track for a lifestyle.

X: ď Paid the cost to be Da BossĒ , what is that?

S: Thatís a movie that will be connected to the record, ďPay the Cost to be the BossĒ which will come out some time early next year. Itís straight to home video. So you donít have to wait in line you can go to the store and buy it and take it home. It was shot in Vegas, at the first black owned casino

J: Yeah, why waste people's time with that annoying theatrical release when you can go straight to home video.

X: You go there to learn pimpng?

S: No! I go there to exercise my pimping.

J: You d'man, Dogg. Peace out my brother.


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