CARLY MILNE'S VERY FIRST METRO PRESS RELEASE :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Metro Interactive Boasts Industry First In Babes Illustrated 12!

Chatsworth, CA (October 14, 2002) - Director Mike Quasar and producer Mike Adams recently wrapped the latest volume of Babes Illustrated, shot on location in Encino, California. Known for featuring hot babes in tongue-twisting action.

jimmyD sez: Encino, California, well known for its exotic locales and golden-hour sunsets: it's a pornogprapher's dream place to shoot. Why go to Hawaii or Cancun when you have Encino right here in the valley? You guys slay me with this shit. And as for the tongue-twisting action, I guess that means the hot babes say things like "My father works in a ship yard," while holding the end of their tongues with thumb and forefinger, and of course, while having a huge strap-on dildo shoved up their asses. Did you have them say (three times in a row and really quickly), "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood," while having steamy, lesbian sex?

...the latest edition, Babes Illustrated 12, features hot Texan identical twins Crystal and Jocelyn Potter mixing it up with Jade Marcela and her sister Nyomi in the industry's first all-girl sets-of-sisters scene!

jimmyD sez: Damn dudes! Who else but the two's of you's woulda thought to go with the ole Double-Twin-Double-Sis-Double-Lesbian-Double-Incest Combo??? And these name are the best! Potters and Jades. Jades and Potters. Jade Pottery. Jaded Pottery. Potted Jades. I'm just thinking out loud here... Man, there's like no limit to the interesting titles one could come up with using this cast of Texas twins with a pair of Asian sisters. How about "Trailer Park of the August Moon?" Yeah, I like that. Or how about "Shogun Trailer Park Hoes?" Maybe something like "Poor White Trash on the Sushi Express?" I don't know, maybe I'm getting too silly now.

"This volume of the series is based around Carolyn Monroe and how she paints her sexual fantasies," says Quasar, who is also the series' videographer. "We're also incorporating cutting edge special effects that will animate certain sequences within the video, and if you don't care about any of that, most of the girls are great pieces of ass."

jimmyD sez: Mike, Mike, Mike.... cutting edge what? How about cutting the edge off the bullshit? As bad as you want to be Nic Andrews--and I know you dream that impossible dream--it ain't gonna happen, bro. First off, you're way too skinny and I don't think you have the genetic make-up to duplicate that many fa... I mean stored energy cells. Next, he's so much better with the video-tech-babble than you'll ever be. But wait-a-freakin-minute! I do see how this picture thing could work: Have this hot babe Carolyn paint...no, not paint, how about crayon? (Yes, I'm using crayon as a verb.) Yeah, she crayons a double-wide mobile home with a big cup-o-noodles Rising Sun on the side of it depicting her fantasy. That's the lead-in for the "Trailer Park of the August Moon" segment. Yeah, I like that too.

The set for Babes Illustrated 12 was in a beautiful, brand-new exclusive location south of the boulevard in Encino...

jimmyD sez: You fucks! No way! South of the boulevard? You clever, wiley, p-men. You guys certainly give your audience everything and then some. That's more production value then a couple of "Rushes," a "Paradise Lost," and a partridge in a pear tree! Why am I suddenly thinking the old guy from the first "Jurassic Park" movie when he's talking about what it cost to build Jurassic Park and he keeps saying "Spare no expense! Nothing but the best!"

Other beauties that grace this edition of the series include Allysin Chaynes, Sabrine Maui and Ember, however, the most titillating scene definitely belonged to the Potter twins, Marcela and Nyomi.

jimmyD sez: Nice touch. You guys sure know how to make all the girls feel extra special. So much for getting any kind of discount next time you use Allysin, Sabrine, or Ember. I think you guys need some diplomacy lessons.

"I don't want to spoil anything," says producer Mike Adams, "but nobody will want to miss seeing this. It was amazing."

jimmyD sez: Yeah, ok Mike, like what else are you going to say--that it sucked? You guys need writers. You're starting to sound like, well... like your average pornographers.

Quasar feels that this volume is the best one yet.

jimmyD sez: Do you Mike? Do you feel it deep down? You're not puttin one over on us, are ya? You'll take a lie detector test on this one? You didn't cross your fingers behind your back when you said that? It's definitely the best, right? I can take that to the bank?

"This is my favorite series to shoot for two reasons: lots of beautiful women, and no danger of having my shoes soiled by semen," he jokes.

jimmyD sez: Thanks for pointing out the soiled-shoes-semen joke, Carly. I sure as hell woulda never figured out that was a bit of levity. Maybe if Mike actually got funnier you wouldn't have to point out his jokes. By the way, I'm available to write some of Mike's quips for him. But I gotta tell you, my writing fee's kinda steep.

"The four-way sister scene certainly gave me the creeps, but we kept it legal and it came out pretty hot."

jimmyD sez: The creeps? Now I do want to see this thing. Finally you say something that you can market with. How this, or something like it: "Warning: Certain sexual scenes in this videotape gave the seasoned, veteran director, Mike Quasar, the creeps. View at your own risk!" Do I have to think up everything for you guys?

The Potters will be doing a repeat performance with Marcela and Nyomi in the upcoming Taboo 21, which is scheduled to shoot in November.

jimmyD sez: Here's an idea I just thought of when I read the name "Potter" again: Have these Potter twins grow their bushes-- I mean really grow some major fucking pubes. Then you can call the show "Hairy Potters..." something or other. Hey! Nothing wrong with paying homage to a mainstream hit. Anyway, then you can have them--the Hairy Potters that is-- use a couple of Nimbus 2000 vibrating broomsticks on each other or on the Jades. Cool huh? I'm a freakin genius, right? I'll be invoicing you guys later.

Babes Illustrated 12 will be released in early 2003.

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