Metro's liver-damaged, mediocre director of numerous three-and-a-half star videos, Mike Quasar (aka Quasarman), took time out of his three-and-a-half star schedule to take me to task today. Being the Rhino-skinned Brazil nut that I am, I will share his three-and-a-half star critique of my heartfelt and sincere, truthful and candid, informative and lively publicity efforts on behalf of Smash Pictures.

Jimmy D-- I read a really important press release over at AVN.com earlier today regarding Skeeter Kerkove directing borderline snuff films for Smash Pictures. No sooner had I begun to dismiss it as yet another contrived, bland and impersonal hype sheet when I stumbled upon a conspicuous name - Jim DiGiorgio. That's you right? I mean, Simply Jimmy D IS Jim DiGiorgio right? You are indeed the same person, am I correct? The same Jim Digiorgio whose website seems to be primarily dedicated to deflating industry press releases? For shame Jimmy D. For shame. Allow me to dissect this piece of pretentious porno prose for you as you have done on so many hilarious occasions previously.

"Smash Pictures director of production Jim DiGiorgio was equally pleased, saying, 'We think Skeeter is a lunatic and he takes it to the edge. His enthusiasm is boundless and we love that. He lives and breathes his work and we love that too. We expect this to be our hardest-core product and Skeeter is just the man to do it. We think that Skeeter is going to turn something in that is going to make everyone stand up and take notice. We are looking to have a long-term relationship with him."

Let's begin at the beginning.

"We think Skeeter is a lunatic and he takes it to the edge."

Does he really take it to the edge Jimmy D? I mean, all the way to the edge? If he were to step two inches forward would he still be on solid ground or free falling from the edge? '

"His enthusiasm is boundless and we love that."

Do you really love boundless enthusiasm Jimmy D? I mean, love in the sense that one loves his own child or simply as one might love blueberry pie? Perhaps in a future very important press release you could clarify that. Personally, I like my enthusiasm to have bounds. People with boundless enthusiasm become trekkies and memorize Monty Python skits.

"We think that Skeeter is going to turn something in that is going to make everyone stand up and take notice."

Is he going to turn in a hand grenade? A rancid ham shank? No? He's going to turn in a pornographic movie? No fuckin' way!!!! A movie where people have intercourse in front of a camera for money? I'm sorry. I just find that too hard to believe.

"We are looking to have a long-term relationship with him."

Have you even gotten to second base with him yet? I mean, c'mon. Why rush into a long term relationship before you even know how many innings you'll have to play before you get to home plate. Wait a minute... you mean a long term "porno" relationship? If that's the case, it was probably over by the time I finished reading the press release.

I wish you the very best in your endeavors with Skeeter Kerkove. In the truest sense of the word, he is a pornographer. He doesn't know one end of a camera from another but at some point he'll be the first in the industry to talk an aspiring young pornstress into doing the world's first quadruple anal/snuff video . You on the other hand Jimmy D are nothing more than a www.hypocrite.com.

P.S. I'm still your friend

jimmyd sez: I never doubted it for a moment, Mikey. (And thanks for guest-writing my site today!)


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