MICHAEL RAVEN, JESUS IN KENTUCKY, AND SERENITY'S FEET :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Man, it's one of those days. I can't think of a thing to write about. Of course, there's always the uber-one, Mssr. Raven that is. Mike's in the news again--twice to be exact. First off, he's going to follow in George Lucas's foosteps and shoot High Def 24p on two of his upcoming features. I guess film historians will someday be mentioning 'Star Wars,' and 'Blue City,' and 'Surf Club' all in the same sentence. Some of you might be wondering if I'm going to go off on this as I've done before with Nic Andrews when he embraced video technologies usually not utilized in the porn biz, but you know what? I think I'm mellowing out on this shit. High Def 24p? I say go for it, cowboy. The pimples on the girl's asses will have never looked so real and alive. Justice League Super-Hero, The Raven, also made some news with Carly Milne's very important Metro press release (not sent to me this time--although I cannot imagine why), in that he will be directing for those bon hommes from New England. (That's French for good fellows.) Hey uber-dude! You gonna leave something left over for the rest of us or what? Sin City... Wicked... Metro... I'm declaring you the Otto Von Bismark of Porn. (Those of you who know something of history will get that comparison, the rest of you need to watch the History Channel more.)

In other news, there's that video-store owner in Kentucky who found Jesus and burned his porn inventory. According to the news story, the man claims Jesus found him, spoke to him, and afterwards caused him to torch his evil goods. Does that count as an Act of God? How about an Act of Son-of-God? I'm thinking of the insurance ramifications here. Acts of God are usually excluded in most insurance policies involving property. But what about Acts of Son-of-God? Maybe there's a loop-hole there. Some Christian theologians would say that Jesus IS God, or at least that God and Jesus are basically one and the same--you know, it's that Holy Trinity thing: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost (although I've never been able to figure out who the Holy Ghost is the ghost of). And if that's the case, i.e., that Jesus and God are one and the same, I guess there's going to be no insurance pay-out when this Kentuckian is either declared legally insane, or he comes back to his senses. But what if his insurance company is Jewish-owned? For them to call it an Act of God would be for them to admit to Jesus being God. And if that's the case, they have some serious re-thinking to do in terms of Judaism and it's history and beliefs.

In still other news, Serenity's feet have been stolen! Well, not her actual feet, but molded replicas of them. Las Vegas Novelties has lost (to thieves) a shipment of goods that included two-pairs of Serenity's feet. I have to wonder if Serenity's feet were the targets of the heist. If so, I also wonder what the thieves hoped to gain by stealing her feet. Personally, I don't get the foot fetish thing. I know--I know, lots of guys are into that, but I just don't get it. I will admit, though, that it would be cool to have a foot fetish. Think about it-- almost everywhere you go, the objects of your fantasies are on display. To a foot fetishist, every beach is as exciting for them as a topless beach would be for me. Naked feet on display everywhere you look. How convenient is that? Getting to first base would merely be getting your hands on some chic's feet. What chic turns down a foot rub? The only thing easier to get your hands on are shoulders. Shoulder rubs are almost never turned down. Feet are too freaking easy! You barely have to know the bitch and they're willing to give up their feet. But try asking some bit of strumpet you hardly know if you can give her a breast massage. See where the fuck that gets you! Hey, I just thought of something, what if the people who stole Serenity's feet plan on conducting other criminal acts, and they also plan to leave Serenity's footprints all around the crime scenes? I've watched enough shows about police forensics on the Discovery Channel to know that tracking down the owner of a pair of footprints is very do-able. Serenity better start having an alibi for everywhere she goes. Of course, the other side of that is that Serenity could go out and commit some crimes--barefoot of course--and then blame her footprints being at the crime scene on the foot thieves. Wow! ain't it cool how life sometimes hands over to us so many interesting opportunities?

Ah well, like I said, I can't think of anything to write about today so this stuff will have to do.

JimmyD over and out.

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