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What Are Mike Quasar's Chances of Winning Best Director?

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_POSTEDON 2002-10-25 00:15:23 by jimmyd

FYI jimmyd _writes "Is the practice of "facials," and VCA--I mean condom-use, contributing to depressed pornstars? You might not believe this, but there's serious studies being performed by reputable scientists on the anti-depressant properties of semen..... spooge.... that's right, man cream.

Here's an exerpt from a June, 2002 article, "Does Semen Have Antidepressant Properties?" published in the 'Archives of Sexual Behavior.'

"Another study that supports the possibility of pheromone communication between humans is currently under review and will be published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in June 2002. The article is titled "Does Semen Have Antidepressant Properties?" and was written by Dr. Gordon Gallup, Jr. Dr. Gallup and his colleagues performed a study to determine the rate of depression in sexually active females compared to condom use, which was an indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract. In the end, the results showed that females who engaged in sexual intercourse but never used condoms had significantly lower scores on the Beck Depression Inventory than females who used condoms."

Let's think about this for a minute. In porn, the meat puppet routinely pulls out of the porn star's love tunnel and shoots his creamy, frothy seed upon said porn star's face, thus robbing her vaginal orifice of man cream. According to these scientists, this vaginal spooge sacrifice might be contributing to a higher level of depression amongst porn's female talent population. In other words, as producers of smut, we might be contributing to a decline in the mental health of our talent. This might explain a whole bunch of things. But before I talk about that, let's continue reading from the article.

"The actual numbers from Gallup's study are amazing. The averages of the scores on the Beck Depression Inventory were significantly higher for sexually active females who used condoms, almost 50 times as high. Also, only 4.5% of sexually active females who never used a condom had attemtped suicide, in comparison to 7.4% for those who used condoms sometimes, 28.9% for those who used them usually, and 13.2% for those who always used them. Those who abstained from sexual intercourse had a 13.5% suicide attempt rate and oral contraceptives had no relationships similar to those of condom use."

We could have a major problem here. Maybe even some lawsuits! Although many active porn stars also qualify as sexually active females, our industry's routine practice of spilling seed almost anywhere on them except where it was intended to go could be the reason so many of them show up on sets with some pretty serious bi-polar attitudes. We've all heard of suicidal porn stars, but who could have guessed it might have been the result of facials and/or condom use? I might have to start rethinking the 'money shot' in my future flicks. I certainly don't want to be responsible for some porn babe offing herself.

"Gallup discusses some other possibilities for his finidings in his article and shows how all of them were unrelated and not likey to be explanations. In then end, he concluded that since previous research has shown that semen is absorbed through the vagina, something in the chemical makeup of semen causes a change in the depressive symptoms of females. Gallup agrees that further studies and testing are needed to investigate the relationship between depression and semen and what causes it, but it does show the possibility of chemical communication, also known as pheromones, in humans."

Well, there you have it. As humans we communicate, or cummunicate with semen! But if we're going to continue robbing our beloved ladies of the man juice they so desperately need to remain emotionally and mentally fit, we ought to consider adopting practices to help them cope. I'm thinking the concept of "crew appreciation" might be in order here. If more of our girl's accepted the generous seed donations that most crew members would gladly make, then we'd have healthier and happier porn stars.

Hey girls! Next time a crew guy--or, uhmm, maybe even a director--offers to spend some quality time with you after a scene, you might think about accepting his offer. Your life might depend on it!


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