I went to Skeeter Kerkove's set today. Skeeter was shooting for Smash Pictures where, coincidentally, your's truly just happens to be Director of Production.

Yeah, I know, give a pornographer a fancy title and the next thing you know they think they're some kind of corporate bigshot. But I certainly ain't no bigshot, nor did I go there to act the part of a bigshot. I went to shoot some behind-the-scenes footage for the DVD the show will be released on (along with videotape). So as you can see, even with a bigshot title I'm just another grunt on a porn set.

Skeeter did treat me like royalty. I guess he figures I might be involved in any descision that would give him further directorial duties with Smash. And if truth be known, he's right. But hey, power ain't goin to this kid's head. I wear a snug-fitting size 7 and 5/8's ballcap atop my melon and it's going to stay exactly that size. But I didn't mind the royal treatment: I'm just going to have to keep my ass covered for a while as those hickies ole Skeeter planted on my ass might take a week or two to fade away.

Skeeter runs a pretty tight ship on his set. Actually, Spartan might be a better description. There was a cooler filled with water and soft drinks and two boxes of Quaker Breakfast Granola Bars. That was it. I was there from about 9:00 A.M. till six or so. If lunch showed up anytime during the day, I must have blinked and missed it. I didn't mind as I'm on a diet anyway. I've lost about ten pounds in the last ten days and I intend to stay on it till I get down to where I want to be even if I don't really know where "where" actually is. The crew was lean, and I guess they could have gotten that way from working too many Skeeter shoots. Hey! I'm kidding. The crew was lean, but it was lean in terms of it being a small and efficiently run crew. Legendary pornographer Jim Powers manned the camera. Some guy name of R-Dog performed lighting chores, and I'd like to point out that R-Dog is about the best guy holding a reflector I've ever seen, with the possible exception of Bobby Gallagher (cuz I don't want Bobby mad at me cuz he's got this steel plate in his head and he tends to get a little bit crazy at times.) Anyway, former Playboy Magazine photographer Bill "The Real Deal" Diehl was the still guy, and uhmm...well that's about it. Oh yeah, Skeeter directed and I shot behind-the-scenes--which you already knew cuz I already said so.

Please don't let me mislead you with all this talk about the lack of food and the small crew. The order of the day was hot and nasty sex and there was plenty of that. This flick is all about anal sex, a subject matter we rarely see these days in the jiz biz (I'm kidding again, alright?). In fact, the only time I saw a cock in a pussy was during the D.P. The girls were outfitted in some very fetishy costumes and there was ample use of chains and collars. This wasn't porn for the squeemish. In one scene, the meatpuppet was pounding this young thing Saphire in the ass--and I mean really pounding her! Saphire was on her hands and knees and the meatpuppet had his foot forcibly pressed down on her face pushing her whole head into the sofa's cushion (don't try this at home with your wife or girlfriend as you'll probably never get any again). Anyway, all the while he's got his foot on her face, the male-prop is shouting at her, "Keep the fuck still! Quit fucking moving while I fuck that sweet ass!" It was a magic porn moment.

Skeeter's a trip to watch while he directs. Actually, what Skeeter does is more like cheerleading than directing. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way. He's right there, keeping the scene moving. He constantly encourages the talent, pushing them further and further into a state of what he calls, "true Kerkove decadence." As the scene gets nastier and nastier, Skeeter gets happier and happier. He's a man who truly immerses himself in his work. I've seen few directors so intensely focused on what was going on in the sex scenes...uhmmm, except me of course.

In another scene, Alex Sanders and Rick Masters were pounding Julie Knight's ass and pussy so hard I figured she wouldn't be able to sit for a week; certainly crossing her legs and wearing tight-fitting underwear will be out of the question. Skeeter looked up with this big Cheshire Cat grin and announced, "Now that's fucking romance! A Skeeter Kerkove love story!"

If you can't wait to see this Skeeter Kerkove romantically decadent love story, you're just going to have to. It should be released sometime in January, 2003. The current working title for this Smash Picture is "Rarely Legal," and it's only pure coincidence that it rhymes-with and sounds vaguely like the title of a well-known, porn series put out by some company I'll refrain from naming, but is headed up by this guy they made a Hollywood movie about and who works in this building with a lot of gaudy, expensive, fake, classical artwork hanging on the walls.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the photo I've put up at the top of this article, the "Sarah" who is mentioned on the piece of paper is this girl in Rochester, New York who I met on the internet and I thought I'd send a porn postcard to.




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