From nickmanning.com: My calendar is filling up rather quickly, so don't wait too long to call...

You wanna buy some sperm?

Perhaps a memorable evening with Me, satisfying your every need? Or some HOT dick?

Are you getting married soon, and have something special in mind? Or maybe you Want to have a kick ass bachelorette party?


Nick... Nick... Nick.

Dude! Sperm? You're selling your man juice? Is it hermetically sealed in a little vial? How much sperm do they get? An ounce? Two? Do you measure it in loads? Is there a label on the vial? Something like, "Eau d'Manning," or "Essence of Nick?" Do you keep a large supply in the fridge, ready to package when an order's in? Or do you blow a fresh load each time you need to fill a vial? Do you send a pubic hair or two as a free bonus with every order of Creme of Nick Manning? Geez, I have so many things I'm wondering about this. Wait, here's the $64,000 question: Who's fucking idea was this?

Nick... Nick... Nick.

What are you thinking, bro? What if guys are ordering your spooge? That's fucking gay! Let's say some guy who's no stranger to a man's love orders some Man(ning) Juice and he dabs it on like cologne. Nick, I'm sorry, but if your seed ends up on another man's skin that's fucking gay! Sorry, but that's the deal. Another man's load ends up on you or your load ends up on another man, it's gay, dude. Doesn't really matter how it got there unless maybe it's some really freakish accident. But in your case, it would be no accident. You, Nick Manning, would be the person who delivered your own sperm to another man. That's no freakin' accident, homey. Doesn't matter if it's delivered by the U.S. Mail, or UPS. You blew the load and you gave it to another man, and it ended up on him. It's not even up for debate. That's just the way things are.

Now let's talk about your offer of satisfying someone's 'every need' with your 'HOT dick.' You don't specify that this offer is only available to members of the fairer sex. Notice I didn't say members of the fairy sex, I said fairer, as in girls, chics, women, babes, whatever you want to call them. Let's say I'm a guy who's a little light in the loafers and I see your advertisment. It doesn't say "For Women Only." And let's face it, you're a good looking guy so I figure you're gonna turn more than a few gay heads. Nick... again, that could be so fucking gay.

And while I'm taking apart your advertisement here, let me mention that the fact that you capitalized "Me" when refering to yourself didn't escape my attention. Nick, how do you get your head through doorways? Here's a bit of an English writing lesson for you: When you're refering to God, you capitalize words like "Him" and "He." And if you're a feminist, maybe you'd refer to God as "Her" or "She." But Nick, no offense, you ain't God and capitalizing a referal to yourself sorta says that you think you are. Wake up time! You ain't God, bro!

I don't know, man. I think you need to talk to someone. This could really get out of hand.

By the way, does anyone want to buy some "Eau d'JimmyD?" Ladies only! And if I like you, maybe I'll 'hand' deliver it you personally, cuz that's the kind of guy I am.

And by the way, nickmanning.com has an Alexa rating of 366,272. Whereas simplyjimmyd.com has an Alexa rating of 77,121, so I'm thinking my sperm offer is reaching more potential customers than Nick's sperm offer. So c'mon girls! Why not buy a load of jimmyd's juice? Give me another good reason to whack off--besides just thinking of some of you--a reason like money!



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