Nowhere is the bias of the media more evident than on SimplyJimmyD.com. One of my challengers in the Best Director category, Patrick Collins, gets an unprecedented 26 paragraphs of virtual real estate on your page, while my campaign is virtually ignored except for an unscientific online poll which has me in the lead only because I voted for myself 17 times.

As your Best Director of 2003, I would strive to breach the bias of the porn media which leans dangerously in favor of wealthy company owners, and I would put the power back where it belongs: with marginally talented schlubs like myself.

Jimmy D, if you are capable of demonstrating any journalistic integrity whatsoever, you'll run my latest campaign ad which takes aim squarely at yet another of my challengers; one Rocco Siffredi.

ROCCO SIFFREDI SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED

Rocco Siffredi is an extremely handsome Italian porn star with an enormous male appendage who gets paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to have sex with some of the world¹s most beautiful women. Isn¹t that thanks enough? He is also nominated for Best Director and his movie "The Ass Collector" is nominated for Best Video as well. The same video where he was paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to have sex with some of the world's most beautiful women. This man is having sex somewhere with a beautiful woman RIGHT NOW!!! Does he really need a trophy?!!! His life is an award in and of itself!!!

Jonas Salk cured Polio, one of the 20th century¹s deadliest plagues, and history fails to show whether this man received even a paltry handjob for his contribution to the betterment of humanity. Granted, Salks original vaccine initially killed as many people as it helped but the oral, synthetic polio vaccine which was derived from Salks original vaccine went on to successfully prevent a crippling disease in untold millions. Off the top of my head I can¹t remember the man¹s name who created the non-deadly version wait a minute-- ah yes! Albert Sabin, but it is unlikely that beautiful women began spontaneously mounting themselves on Sabin's cartoonishly large man-husk after he filed for his patent.

Some people have hailed Siffredi¹s movie "the Ass Collector" as an erotic work of art. Poppycock!! It is little more than a reality TV episode about a man upon whom God has bestowed more good fortune than can possibly be justified by any Divine privilege. Rocco Siffredi could mount a video camera to his headboard and never get out of bed if he so chose. The fact that he has egotistically attempted to branch out from his clearly defined role as the World¹s Most Fortunate Human and created this "Ass Collector" farce is almost unbearably pompous.

On the opposing, tarnished side of the coin, we have Director Mike Quasar. Mike Quasar is NOT a handsome Italian porn star with an enormous male appendage who gets paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to have sex with the world¹s most beautiful women. No. Director Mike Quasar is a washed up 32 year old rock star wannabe with an oblong head and barely average genitalia who has been having sex with the same woman for 10 years and who gets paid a decent wage to videotape other people having sex who are being paid thousands upon thousands of dollars. Also, Quasar¹s name is clearly no match for the fiercely masculine "Rocco Siffredi" moniker. Truthfully, Quasar¹s name conjures up the image of a late night psychic preaching unforeseeable knowledge to insomniacs with low self-esteem. Now there¹s a man who needs a trophy.!!!

Mike Quasar would like to remind you, as award-time draws ever-nearer, to please consider the following facts about his AVN nominated video "Karma"...

-Much of it is in focus.

-At times the dialogue is almost on par with a film starring Steven Segal.

-Beautiful women abound although Quasar doesn¹t physically come in contact with them.

-Karma is one of only three movies shot in 2002 where Alexa Rae showed up.

Give the man a trophy!!!!

Remember:

-Mike Quasar isn¹t handsome OR Italian.

-Quasar uses his average genitals only occasionally and money is neverexchanged.

-Mike Quasar¹s name is silly at best and not in the least bit masculine.

-Read his lips--­ Mike Quasar will NOT raise taxes!!!!

-Mike Quasar needs your vote!!!

-Vote your conscience. Vote Quasar 2003

Don't forget to visit votequasar.blogspot.com for up to the minute
campaign details.


jimmyD sez: Mike, even with your 17 self-cast votes in my unscientific online poll, you're still trailing by about 8%.

P.S. Could you please email me archived records of your QuasarmanRants.com support of *MY* (AVN Awards) Best Director nomination of last year or the year before (I forget which year it was, although it was really, really important to me at the time.)


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