Apparently, Mike Quasar--the man who would be AVN's Best Director--is outraged over alleged marketing campaign misconduct by KickAss Pictures and its hot dog munching CEO, Mark Kulkis, and his attempts to sway AVN voters.

In a damning email sent to this reporter, Q vents his outrage in a rant reminiscent of the glory days of his once-influential and well-read website, QuasarmanRants.com.

Here's Quaze's rant:


Tuesday, December 10, 2002  
KICK ASS PICTURES CAUGHT IN SHAMEFUL VOTE-RIGGING SCHEME!!!!

This just in:

It seems that Mark Kulkis of Kick Ass pictures has been caught red handed in the most shameful example of influence-peddling since the Mafia elected JFK.

Under the auspices of being "clever", it seems that Mr. Kulkis has designed personalized web sites peddling his assorted AVN-nominated snakeoil and emailed their links directly to the movers and shakers at the magazine.

Each web page entices the viewer to continue clicking on a series of horrifyingly banal puff-pieces for his symposium of smut. "Specs Appeal", "Chic-a-Boom", "Kung Fu Girls", "Barefoot Confidential", all carefully marketed niche titles which have no doubt made Kulkis a wealthy man. At the end of this shameless slide show each recipient is rewarded with a personalized video clip of a porn thespian in various stages of undress.

The clip I viewed depicted a snaggle-toothed Mary Carey offering up her bosoms as though they were the ripe oranges of a Mexican migrant at a freeway offramp.

For shame Mr.Kulkis. What you have done is unethical and quite frankly, unforgiveable. Your actions make Watergate look like an unreturned library book by comparison. Make no mistake Mr.Kulkis, I'm no Gerry Ford and I WILL NOT PARDON YOU!!!!. While I'm out every day pounding the pavement, blood dripping from my pores, you sit in your ivory tower commanding your webmasters to undermine the electoral process entirely. And for what? So you can add a few more trinkets to your collection? I distribute DVD's and oatmeal to the poor, the homeless, the elderly and the infirm to get out my message of hope and what do you do? You sneak in through the back door like Peter North during his brief Matt Ramsey period. People like you make me SICK!!!

And what of this almalgam of dreck for which you seek recognition? "Specs Appeal"? Hah!!! If I'm elected, I promise to start two new series in 2003 focusing on beautiful women with perfect vision, or who have at least had their poor vision surgically corrected. Look for "20/20 Hunnies" and "Lazik Lesbians" in 2003!!! "Barefoot Confidential"? Nonsense!!! In 2003 you'll have to compete with a new series dedicated to the common man. A series featuring women adorned in various, steel-toe protective footwear -"Work Boot Wenches" comin' at ya in 2003 Kulkis!!! And finally, "Kung Fu" girls. I will begin a series in 2003 featuring women far more dangerous than mere blackbelts. My new series will fearture women who may or may not possess black market russian suitcase nukes - "Sleeper
Cell Cuties" in 2003. BAM!!!!!

Your blatant act of electoral fraud will not stand Mr.Kulkis.... but just in case it does, I am presently enlisting a horde of cash-strapped smut queens to distribute Krispy Kremes and random handjobs to the fine folks at AVN.

Don't be hoodwinked my Kulkis's bells and whistles. My campaign has substance!!!!!

Vote your conscience. Vote Quasar 2003

Special thanks to Mike South for breaking this story and extra-special thanks to Jimmy D for telling me about Mike South breaking this story


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