You know, there's been a few times I've written about some stuff that had me worried: High-flying snakes and low-hanging nutsacks come immediately to mind. But now, thanks to my good friend Dave Cummings, I REALLY got some shit to be concerned about.

I've recently posted some articles about Bryan Sullivan. You know who Bryan is--he's the porn biz's favorite internet terrorist. And you might also know that as a result of Bryan's zeal in sharing his innermost thoughts about porn and pornstars, he's been indicted in 21 counts of alleged law-breaking for his electronic spewings. But Bryan Sullivan persists, 21 counts or no 21 counts. And since I'm in Bryan's address book, I'm also on the receiving end of the socio-religious anthrax he mails out.

You might also know that Dave Cummings has been involved in the 'Stop Bryan Sullivan' campaign. And as such, Dave has had some dealings with the FBI; more specifically, the Special Agent who caught the lucky assignment of dealing with the likes of Mr. Sullivan. So when Dave sees my postings that include some love-letters to me from Bryan, what does he do? He sends a copy of my articles, and the URL pointing to my website, to the FBI's Special Agent who heads the Bryan Sullivan task force. (Granted, it's probably a task force of one, but damn, we're talking the fucking FBI here.)

So now I have the FBI checking out simplyjimmyd.com! I don't know about you, but I'd rather deal with high-flying snakes or low-hanging nutsacks. I just watched some program the other night about the secret files of J. Edgar Hoover. Whether the FBI currently has a cross-dressing fag who enjoys violating the rights of privacy of almost anyone who draws his attention is in charge or not, it still heightened my general state of paranoia. And in this heightened paranoid state, what do I suddenly discover? That Dave Cummings has pointed the FBI directly at my website.

Thanks Dave. If I suddenly start noticing a couple of guys wearing gray suits and dark glasses sitting in a non-descript Ford sedan parked in front of my home or office, I'm holding you personally responsible. If I'm ever subpoenaed and have to travel to Washington to defend myself and my retarded musings on this site in front of a congressional committee I'm holding you personally responsible. If the next time I watch anything about the secret files of the FBI and I'm one of the secret files, I'm holding you personally responsible.

I'd also like to take this time to make a few personal statements to any guys wearing gray suits and dark glasses who happen to be reading this website thanks to my good friend Dave Cummings:

1. Whatever it is, I didn't do it, I wasn't there, and I know nothing about it.

2. I had nothing to do with the production of a videotaped program that claims J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dressing fag--I simply accidentally viewed it. Personally, I think J. Edgar was a great guy who was misunderstood and as a result, history has been unkind to him.

3. I'm a big fan of Efrem Zimbalist Jr., and watched every episode of "The FBI" tv show.

4. The tv show, "The X Files," is pure fiction and no such files exist within the records of the FBI.

5. I don't subscribe to any conspiracy theory that involves the FBI in any way, or in any cover-up, that involves the death, dissapearance, or attack on the likes of JFK, RFK, Marilyn Monroe, Jimmy Hoffa, Larry Flynt, or anyone else.

6. I'm not a follower of Islam, I don't know any followers of Islam, and the only people from the Middle-East I've ever met are insignificant, unimportant, apolitical Israelis in the jiz biz.





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