TIS THE SEASON TO BE HORNY? :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Just so you know I can report stuff that doesn't include the name Bryan Sullivan, I've gathered up some Christmas news from around the world.

In the East European nation of Slovakia, which I guess used to have a Czecko in front of it, brothel owners are going to shut down for Christmas. Apparently, last year business sucked on Christmas day, which I can't understand--don't most guys get up and leave their families on Christmas to go fuck a hooker? I guess not in Slovakia. It also seems that for months after Jesus' birthday, business was way off. I guess the Slovakians are a religious bunch--at least the brothel owners are--and they figure some divine payback went down.

A manager of a brothel in the west Slovak town of Hrasne told the Novy Cas Daily: "We opened for Christmas day but there wasn't a customer in sight. For months after that business went bad and I've been superstitious ever since."

Another brothel owner in the capital, Bratislava, said: "It's not worth it. Travelling businessmen are on holidays and married men have a difficult time coming up with excuses for their wives."

So anyone who was planning to spend the Christmas holiday in Bratislava shouldn't be planning on getting laid--at least not in a bordello. No word, by the way, on whether the Slovaks former countrymen, the Czechs, are shutting down their whorehouses.

Back here in the good ole' U.S. of A., Charleston, West Virginia police have arrested a man for having sex with sheep used in a Nativity scene. The 29 year old man is said to have broken into the shed housing the animals used in the Christmas tableau in Charleston. He's been charged with trespassing, destruction of property and cruelty to animals. A local Charleston police sergeant says they are consulting with the prosecutor's office and bestiality charges could follow.

Of course, there's got to be a religious connection here. Of all the sheep in West Virginia, you think this guy decides to fuck Nativity sheep without him being some kind of religious nut? No word on the sheep's condition, but I heard they took the lil' lamb to a rape counseling center. Rumor has it that director Jim Powers and a crack camera crew has been dispatched to Charleston by the Totally Tasteless Video folks in hopes of catching a copy-cat crime in progress.

Also here in the U.S., a man working in a mall as Santa Claus has been charged with soliciting sexual favors from a teenage girl. Santa was arrested after police studying CCTV footage from the mall in Anderson, South Carolina, saw him allegedly involved in a sex act with the 16-year-old girl. The 37-year-old St. Nick was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and is being held in Anderson County Jail.

Personally, I've always thought a Santa outfit might be a good way to get laid, and I'm thinking of cruising some hot night spots wearing one.

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