LEAVING LAS VEGAS :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "I arrived home late last night from Vegas. I'm sore and tired and my belly is still reacting negatively from too much shrimp, lobster, and prime rib. All of Dante's "Seven Deadly Sins" are easy to foul your soul with in Las Vegas-- gluttony being the easiest to violate. I have lots of tales to tell, but some of them are going to have to wait till I recuperate. I'll take a few moments, however, and ramble through a few tidbits from the show. I'll have more later.

The fans walking the AEE floor were the most well-behaved I've ever seen. Not once did we need to caution any of them about keeping their probing hands and fingers to themselves while being photographed with the talent--at least it was that way in the Smash Pictures booth where the beautiful Aria, Jessica Drake, and Dolorian were signing for the duration of the show.

In years past, convention security had its hands full preventing girls from flashing. Flashing did not seem to be a problem this year--if you consider bare breasts a problem--but instead, the security forces spent significant time enforcing the "No Tossing Free Tee-Shirts to the Crowd" rule. If you've ever been hit by a wildly tossed tee-shirt you'll understand why this is such a problem. A fluffy, soft-cotton, free-flying tee-shirt tragedy is nothing to laugh about.

Former porn-gossip overlord, Luke Ford, materialized from relative obscurity to walk and talk the halls of the convention. Luke, who has aged dramatically in the last few years, was hunting scoop for his column at setgo.com. According to the former drudge-king , Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld were responsible for bringing the Hell Angels contingent onto the AEE show-room floor. If what Luke Ford claims was true, I can certainly understand the need for Hells Angels to act as bodyguards for the couple. I met Digital Playground's owner, Joone, and its brass-knuckle-wearing publicist Adella O'Neal--a couple of very physically intidimidating and scarey folks with nasty, aggressive temperaments--I'd want protection too. (I'll continue writing when I cease laughing.)

Speaking of Luke Ford and things that are "according to Luke Ford," I didn't see any Gambinos, or any other Mafiosos, at the Bizzare Video booth as he predicted on setgo.com. I don't know where Luke gets all his supposed mob scoops from--well, actually I do know where he gets them from.

According to my count, VCA took home just two trophies this year from the AVN Awards Show. Interestingly, two awards equals the same number of AVN Awards just one of my VCA flicks won last year (out of 4 noms for the same flick). One of this year's VCA award-winners was for a classic DVD re-release of a 15-year-old film, so I'm not even sure that one counts. I don't make movies for VCA any longer--go figure.

Speaking of VCA, it's skipper, Russ Hampshire, was absent from this year's convention. Luke Ford (writing on setgo.com) should have the full, insider's explanation of Russ's absence-- after all, he seems to know everything else about what's going on with Russ, including who allegedly stole his alleged half-million dollars. I can't, for the life of me, figure out where he gets all his Russ Hampshire scoops from.

Elegant Angel's controversial, director du jour, Mason, may be the last Afghan woman whom U.S. forces have failed to liberate from wearing a burqa. Personally, I thought she was into inflatable moose heads.

A beaming Skeeter Kerkove sat next to his beautiful wife, Bridgette, at the aquarium-themed Sin City booth and signed autographs for fans. Skeeter could only have been happier if he had been signing a poster of just himself, by himself. I shared this observation with the lovely Bridgette who, without hesitation, agreed.

There seemed to be more foreign-rights buyers doing the show than ever before. Interesting since everyone complains that foreign markets have been in the toilet.

A hot dog, can of coke, and small package of chips cost about $7 and change on the showroom floor. It's rumored that Mark Kulkis dropped more cash at the hot dog table than the gambling tables. Business was brisk for this bargain-rate lunch fare.

NO SMOKING signs were universally ignored on the convention floor.

I was told by a reliable source that mega-star, sperm-salesman Nick Manning was seen cavorting with a tranny at the AVN awards show.

Some of the video clips shown on the big screens at the awards show were pretty funny. I did wince, however, when Al Goldstein's clip from two years ago was shown. I thought for a moment they were going to replay Al's bad-taste, off-the-cuff, remark about lampshade making. Just seeing him on the screen was reminiscent of his tactlessness.

The poster for my soon-to-be-released Smash Pictures series, "2YOUNG4U" was stolen from the booth on the second day of the show. Porn prognosticators tell me this is a good omen.

The LFP/Borg Empire's Larry Flynt was allowed out of the cube to hand out the Rueben Sturman Award. I'm hoping someone has a written translation of whatever the fuck it was Larry was talking about for five or ten minutes up there.

More to come...

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WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised