I read the L.A. Times piece on the porn biz by H.R. Puffenstuff, or whatever the fuck the reporter's name is. It underscored my belief that the media is generally full of shit, misinformed, and biased.

What happened to impartial reporting? The piece certainly wasn't tagged as an editorial. Besides the fact the reporter's information was a year or more old, it took a position that made our industry look like scenes right out of the movie, "8mm." If Ms. Puffenstuff had her way, the graphic I put up at the head of this rant would or should be posted over the doorway of every porn company in town.

I got news for you Ms. Puffenstuff: The porn biz ain't a slave labor camp. There's no barb-wire fence surrounding the town of Chatsworth. We don't hold anyone hostage in pornland. You see, we leave slave labor camps to Hollywood celebrities who employ poverty-stricken children in Third World countries who sew together clothing for popular American discount department stores.

Never have I read more crap that made such a big freaking deal of things as mundane as running out of toilet paper on a set. And besides, it was a Tom Zupko set-- the toilet paper was probably being stuffed up some girl's asshole after they ran out of bibles. And if you must know the truth, that's why we have production assistants wear long sleeve shirts: with two arms and wearing a soft-cotton, flannel shirt, a good PA can wipe at least a dozen asses clean.

Ms. Puffenstuff, I got big news for you: EVERYONE IS HERE OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL! This is especially true for the talent who work in disgusting conditions without toilet paper earning hundreds of dollars an hour. Did I say hundreds of dollars an hour? Gee, that must be why they're here, and why they stay here!

Personally, I wish half the fucking people in the biz would pack up and leave, It's getting pretty crowded here lately. And to put your mind at rest, we don't lure and drug innocent girls into sex slavery. Should you want to write an article about that, I suggest you go to somewhere like Russia, Eastern Europe, or Israel and talk to some mobbed-up brothel operators. But of course, you won't. That would be dangerous. But writing smack about a bunch of dysfunctional porn carnies holds no danger at all.

I think I smell a conspiracy here. The government can't beat us with their bullshit obscenity beefs, so they're going to come at us with OSHA inspectors and Health Department officials. And if that's true, that makes L.A. TImes little more than a puppet for right-wing, law enforcement.

I could go on, but I'm giving myself a headache. So I'll sign off with three words for the L.A. Times and it's investigative reporter: GO FUCK YOURSELVES!



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