WHO ELSE THINKS I'M DISGRUNTLED? :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "I was just now taking a look over at Carly Milne's site and I happened to check out her links page and I couldn't help but notice the link to this site. I also couldn't help but notice how she describes this site, or rather, how she describes me: "Though he trashes me on his site, I dig reading Jimmy's ramblings about being a disgruntled director."

Disgruntled director? Is that how I'm perceived? A fucking disgruntled director? Before you answer, let's make sure everyone understands what the word 'disgruntled' means.

disgruntled-- adj : in a state of sulky dissatisfaction.

Is that what people think of me? Is that what the crap I write on this site says to all of you? That I'm sulky and dissastisfied? I gotta tell ya, I'm a little bit taken back by this.

First off, I don't sulk. Well, maybe I do sometimes but trust me, when I sulk I have very good reasons for sulking. You see, I don't naturally sulk. I'm not--as a rule--a sulker. To sulk is defined as being "...sullenly aloof or withdrawn, as in silent resentment or protest." Does this site--a site that I try to update as often as my time permits--represent silent resentment? I don't fucking think so.

When I resent something, I'm not usually too silent about it. When something I write about on this site indicates my resentment for it, the very act of writing about it means I'm being anything but silent. In fact, I'm one of the noisiest 'resenters' I know, and it gets me into a lot of fucked up trouble sometimes because I *am* so fucking vocal about whatever it is I'm currently resenting!

Now let's talk about me being "dissatisfied."

If you want to know the truth, I am dissatisfied. Why the fuck do you think I spend time writing this site? Because everything is so peachy fucking keen in the wonderful world of pornography? We can all pretend this is just another industry, but the truth is, it ain't. It's sometimes a cesspool filled with all kinds of freakish, mutant, carnivores. I've met some truly fucked-up people in this business--fucked beyond anything I thought I'd ever meet. Scumbags, sleazy fucking scam-artists, low-life pieces of shit are but a few of the ways I can describe some of the people I've met here. You're damn right I'm dissatisfied. And that's why I created this outlet--to vent, to relieve my porn-angst, to delete some of the corrupted files the hard drive between my ears gets contaminated with.

I'm not saying everyone I've met in this business is one of those I described above. If it weren't for those of you who don't fall into those classifications--and there's a lot of you who don't--I wouldn't be here. I would have taken off long ago, not that it would have made any difference if I had. And besides, I like to think I'm a funny guy. And this business is a fucking comedy mine--and I love mining for all them absurd, amusing, ludicrous, comic nuggets.

Ok, now that I think everyone understands that I'm not disgruntled, I'll tell you what I am-- I'm bemused.

Do you know what bemused means? Well, don't strain your brain if you don't, I'll tell you what it means. When someone, like myself, is bemused, it means that I'm "...perplexed by many conflicting situations or statements; filled with bewilderment; i.e., bewildered and confused... a cloudy and confounded philosopher... a mixed-up kid... baffled, befuddled, lost, mazed, and mixed-up." That is what I am, at least the me that's the me in this business.

So Carly, my sweet, I truly adore you. I love your ramblings. You're sweet, intelligent, intuitive, and talented. You're probably even pretty decent in the sack... Not that I'd know except by my pornographer's intuition regarding such matters. But I would appreciate it if you could see your way to changing your description of me to something like: ""Though he trashes me on his site, I dig reading Jimmy's ramblings about being a BEMUSED director." Or something to that effect.

We'll both feel better about it in the morning.

"


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