I got this pic in my email yesterday. I don't know who sent it or why. Maybe I got my very first simplyjimmyd groupie... figures--my luck.

But oddly enough, I've been trying to look at the bright side of things lately, so upon careful examination of this bound fat lady, I realized she doesn't have much cottage cheese, i.e., cellulite, for an older woman of such girth. That's a good thing, no? And notice my choice of words--like I said, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things--I labeled her an 'older woman of such girth.' I could have said, 'she doesn't have much cottage cheese for a fat old fucking whore.' But this is the new me, the kinder, gentler me. I now see the glass half-full, rather than half-empty. I don't see stop signs, I see signs indicating I should momentarily halt before safely proceeding. I like this fat lady bound. She looks like a nice person. Her hair's done nice and she wears that ball-gag well. I would sip Starbucks with her. She's almost kind of attractive in a fat lady doing print ads for plus sizes kind of way. She looks like she would appreciate me. She looks like she would be my friend.

I have no idea why I'm writing this shit.






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