JOB SECURITY IN PORN :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "One of things I've often noticed while working in the jizz bizz is that job security is quite good. For the most part, no matter how incompetent you are, no matter who you steal from or how much you steal, no matter how much you lie and cheat or who you fuck over, there's always a job for you someplace, or with someone, in the adult industry.

Here's a case in point. I won't name names, but this story typifies the way job security works in the porn industry.

There's this one-stop distributor. A one-stop distributor, if you don't know, sells everyone's product, mostly to retail outlets. That's why they call it a one-stop--retailers can deal with one distributor, i.e., make one stop for their purchases.

This particular one-stop is located right here in porn valley, although many one-stops are located throughout the contiguous United States. And this one-stop is a fairly large company, moving thousands and thousands of pieces weekly, often at discounted prices.

One of the sales guys at this particular one-stop, in fact the #1 sales guy, was asked to collect some money. Not that unusual. But this sales guy has a long history of being a degenerate gambler (being a degenerate anything is often a job requirement in the jizz bizz). And wouldn't you just know it, he was asked to go to Las Vegas to collect the dough--cash, by the way, $20,000 in cash I'm told.

So the sales guy heads to Las Vegas to collect the money, which he does, and then as you might guess, he suddenly disappears.

D'uh! Right?

Ok, some time passes and no one's heard from the missing sales guy and the $20,000 until all of a sudden he shows up now working for a competitor one-stop. And let me add this small note: This is a very small, tightly-knit business. People talk. People talk a lot. The tale of the missing sales guy and the missing $20,000 has become common knowledge amongst one-stop guys long before this guy gets his new job. So it's safe to say that this guy's new employer was well-aware of the missing $20,000 and hired him anyway.

How could this happen? Well, if you know anything about something we in the biz like to call 'porn logic,' it makes perfect sense.

The sales guy was known as a pretty fucking good sales guy. So his new employer figures as long as he has no access to cash, he's pretty safe hiring him in spite of the fact that he's a thief. Not a common thief, but a grand larceny kind of thief. Plus, there's the possibiltiy that this new employer hates the sales guy's previous employer so that makes hiring him all the sweeter despite the fact the guy's a fucking thief. Porn logic in a nutshell.

You might ask why the guy who owns the one-stop that lost the twenty-grand doesn't call in the cops and point them at the thief who stole his money? Well, here's the rub--the victim in this case has been suspected and investigated for pirating other people's product. My guess is this: the thieving sales guy knows all about his ex-boss's pirating ways. It's like knowing where the bodies are buried. If the cops nail him, he rolls to the feds on his previous employer for the pirating. Sounds like a stale-mate to me.

Oh, what wicked webs we weave in the playpen of the damned!

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