There are fun aspects to being a porn director who is at least as famous as Mike Quasar. And writing this non-gossip website has it's moments of mirth and merriment. But this ain't one of them.

If anyone earlier in my life had ever predicted that someday men will be sending me pictures of their erect penises, I would have laughed it off and told them, "Not in this lifetime, chief."

But that's the thing with predictions about one's life: When we think, "No way! That could never happen," it's only because we are unable to conceive of all the turns our lives may take.

I got this letter from a guy named Laverte in San Diego, with the accompanying photo.

Laverte writes: "Hey there. I am contacting you in regards to Being A porn Star. This is what I was born to do Mr. Jimmy. I am 20 years old I live in San Diego Ca. and Girls say that I fuck like Some kinda Machine. Well All I can Do Is Send You some Pictures To Give you an Example of what I look like, So here Ya go and If You Enjoy these Pictures and Think That I, Laverte, Have a Future in the porn industry. Hope to hear from ya soon Jimmy :o) ........"

Did Laverte really say, "...and if you enjoy these pictures....?" Dude, bro, Laverte, I understand you want my professional appraisal of your manstuff, but to ask if I enjoy looking at it is making an assumption about me that I don't think you can fairly make. The truth is, Laverte, I don't enjoy looking at your erect penile member. Not even a little bit. If I did, I suppose that might say something about my sexual orientation, which I can assure you is squarely oriented towards pussy. Are you asking me if I'm gay? Because since I'm not, that's a helluva way to positively influence a prospective employer.

But since I'm in a benign mood, Laverte, let me give you some advice. First, it takes more than a hard, reliable, penis, and a bunch of civilian chics who say you're some kind of stud, to make it as a meatpuppet in this biz. Granted, hard and reliable and some kind of stud are important qualifications, but the only way to determine whether you can provide hard and reliable and other stud qualities in front of a bunch of strangers, with some mook like me climbing under your ass with a camera and a "C-Light" and asking you to fuck some slut you might find disgusting, and to do it in as uncomfortable a position as possible, on a cold day, outside, in a light drizzle, on a hard rock or a splintered bench, would be for me to put at risk thousands of dollars. That's reality.

On the plus side, there is hope for you to join the exciting world of professional porn studding. Find yourself a hot slut who also wants to perform. Have her tell everyone that she only works with you, and after a number of scenes wherein you prove yourself, you might have a so-called career in the jizz bizz.



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