THE WANKER WANG FORUM AND MORE! :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Welcome to the Wanker Wang Forum. Today we provide continuing coverage of the cyber war-of-words that's been going on between Wanker Wang and FuckingGossip.com's Eddie Tour.

The story so far: Eddie Tour printed some shit about Wanker. Wanker, in a guest editorial on this website, printed some shit about Eddie Tour. Eddie Tour responded with more shit.

Today, there's more shit from Wanker, plus some commentary I received in my email. Maybe tomorrow there'll be continuing shit from Eddie Tour.

Wanker Wang writes: "Eddie, I apologize for referring to you as a 'coke-sniffing' bastard. It was wrong and absolutely uncalled for.

Everybody's personal problems should not be made public for the purposes of entertainment value. You are however a very sexy guy who deserves everyone's respect regardless of personal chemical needs. After all, addiction is a disease which requires careful treatment once you admit your faults.

In reference to shooting the unconscious, what I love to do is to tell a whore to get real nice and drunk before coming over to my set, then forcing her to drink 15 shots of tequila, then having her corpsed as she lay motionless and near comatose. After we fuck her, I usually receive the services of my friend's 80 pound, male Pit Bull (who incidentally is booked solid for the next 5 months) and have the dog shag the girl silly. Imagine the hilarity of a girl impregnated and giving birth to a child with paws 9 months later.

After the dog shags the whore, I enjoy having a group of my friends take a big, meaty diarrhea-enriched dump all over her body. Once I capture enough footage, I hose her down with ice cold water which usually brings her back to consciousness.

Brother, don't believe everything you read on the Net. I've fucked girls who've passed out on me due to mutual inebriation but it was too little, too late, especially after a blistering night of drinking where I can indulge in my favorite hobby ... Harassing Whores.

So the next time you snort a line and I force a girl into intoxication after slipping her a Spanish Fly placebo, realize that the next time I shoot the unconscious getting 'corpsed' will be dedicated to you. Do you believe the myth that man landed on the moon too? I certaintly don't.

Wanker Wang-- Somewhere beating the shit out of a whore with a lubed anvil and a block of swiss cheese.

PS - Eddie, if you ever need an avenue to rid yourself of the terrible affliction of addiction, let me know. I recently overcame a 20 year addiction to heroin and can recommend some excellent and caring treatment centers."

jimmyD sez: Then I get this email from some guy name of Sid Pornstein. I wonder if he's related to Frank N.

Sid Writes: "Hey Jimmy-- Gotta say I love your work; SimplyJimmyD & FuckingGossip are the only sites worth reading right now.

Anyhow, about Wanker Wang's guest diatribe today, all I wanna say is I was one of the people who gave the Cherokee harassment story to Eddie at FG (and I ain't saying who told me). Eddie also got it (or variations of it) from other folks as well and ran it as he thought there musta been more than a nugget of truth in it, what with all the people knowing about it. What I find both interesting and disgusting is that Wanker Wang has never offered his side of the story, or anything in the way of explanation, contrition, or apology. Does he think that what he did to the young lady in question is normal, or honorable, or justified, or polite? No, he obviously doesn't give a shit, and is sadly unaware of just how aberrant his behavior is.

Typically, Wanker Wang is only interested in the real identity of Eddie Tour, who he mistakenly thinks is some "coke snorting bastard". Why he thinks Eddie is a substance abusing whore leech is beyond me, when Eddie only broke the story. It's possible the opiate addled suitcase pimp gave Eddie the story, or more likely, told someone else who then gave the story to Eddie. Can you get the tiny fragment of brain that's still lodged in your skull around that, Wanker? You, of all people, should know how fast news (and it's degenerate cousin, gossip) travels round the biz. Maybe that's why Eddie cleverly, and punningly, called his site, "FuckingGossip".

Love ya baby,
Sid"

jimmyD sez: And then, wouldn't ya know it, Hustler's resident bad boy, Scott Fayner, jumps into the fray.

Fayner writes: "I was so saddened upon hearing that Wanker has resurfaced from under some rock and has failed to stop by Hustler or even call me on the phone. I thought we were friends. Ashley Blue and Trent received a late night visit from Wanker this week. He comes to see you. But not a single word for little ol' me. If you hear from Wanker, tell 'em I say hey. That's all. Oh, yeah, how's it going JimmyD? Did you swipe a sleeve of Oreo's from Digital Playground's food table last night? I always do... Fayner"

jimmyD sez: No Scott, I passed on the Oreos. I'm on a diet.

Regarding something completely different, reader Big Lee checks in, commenting on the photo of the girls and I from my appearance on "DP Tonight."

Big Lee writes: "Hey Jimmy! Where do I go to get a job like YOurs!!! No matter what....You've got it made man. And then the Lukester, standing sheepishly with his little skinny weenie out....LOL!! Incredible! Keep it UP! --Big Lee"

jimmyD sez: Lee, do some really shameful shit in your life. In your next life, Karma will help you get a job just like mine.

Charlie, from Digital Playground, also writes in about my stellar performance on "DP Tonight." (Yes, my ego has now allowed me-- in retrospect-- to classify my performance as nothing short of stellar regardless of Mike South's stellar-less, courtesy compliment.)

Charlie writes: "Hiya JimmyD! When I first saw that picture, I thought it was Ronnie Van Zant surrounded by the Go-Go's. Then I quickly realized they're all dead, except for Belinda Carlyle. She's not dead, it's just that nobody returns her calls since she did "Heaven is A Place On Earth".

I tried to stick around Tuesday night to sse you, but I had other stuff (Law & Order is on THREE times Tuesday nights! Just ask Tod.) Jimmy, you're the man, but even you can't expect to compete with that.

Sorry, man. Next time I'll record L&O. But only if YOU'RE on DP2nite. --Charlie"

jimmyD sez: Charlie, I'm a big fan of L&O myself, so I completely understand. Man-Oh-Man! I feel so special hearing this shit, and to top all this off, I received two, new, poems from the Porn Bard, Alexander the Poet.

"Internet Inspirations" by Alexander The Poet 02.26.03

Here I go again,
Looking at internet smut
I do it often,
In order, to bust my nut

But when I jerk off,
I jerk off, to quality
Only the good stuff,
To drench all the cum from me

I've seen them before,
These nude girls look all the same
Give me a fresh whore,
The others have gotten lame

Just where do they get?,
These girls, where do they find them?
But I'm not upset
Wack to all, with no problem!

Do they pose for free?
Or do they all pose for cash?
They make me horny,
I want my cock in their gash

I just need to stop
But I can't, for it's so hard
It's part of the job,
When you're known as, The Porn Bard!

THE END

"My Cumstained Underwear" by Alexander The Poet 02.26.03

I feel the need to tell you,
About my cumstained underwear
And what I tell you is true,
When I "get off", cum goes on there

I know you may think it's sick,
And I know you may think it's gross
But what I do with my dick,
Is my business and none of yours!

I simply don't have the time,
To pull down, my clean underwear
Is it some kind of a crime?,
If I simply jizz inside there?!

Why is it such a problem?
It's my underwear, not yours
I am the one who wears them
And they are not sold in stores

It could be Fruit Of The Loom,
It could be Jockey or Hanes,
Each one of them will be doomed,
They will all feel, my cumstains!

THE END

jimmyD sez: I also received an email from my favorite smut salesguy and all-around porn-afficionado, Paul "Hollywood" Di Petro. Hollywood's the best! Plus he's a fellow WOP which makes him even better.

Hollywood writes: "Jimmy 'the man' D, Whats up? I am looking forward to coming out their in a couple of months and going toTJ. Any new hot girls come in lately? "2young4U" is doing great, the response from customers has been awesome. JIMMY D IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

EMAIL ME LET ME KNOW HOW YOU HAVE BEEN AND LET ME KNOW ANY GOOD GOSSIP!!!!!

Your Man, Paul "Hollywood Di Pietro"

jimmyD sez: How can Smash Picture's newest release, "2YOUNG4U," do anything but awesome when there's a guy like Hollywood pushing the shit out of it? As for TJ, I'm there bro. Them bean-fed whores will think a hurricane blew through town after we've left.

"


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