The hot dog munching producer, Mark Kulkis, today announced his company, Kick Ass Pictures, has signed blonde, naturally large-breasted, Mary Carey to an exclusive contract.

Here's Mark's press release--

Los Angeles, CA -- Kick Ass Pictures today announced it has signed Mary Carey to an exclusive, one-year contract. As part of that contract, Carey will star in her own bimonthly video series. She will do also boy/girl scenes in every video, a first for the starlet.

"I signed with Kick Ass because, quite frankly, I think they're the best company in the business right now," Carey said. "They only use natural girls, their scenarios are entertaining, and they shoot sex with a lot of stroke value. And since they just started distributing their own products, the timing just seemed right."

Although she has only done 20 videos (all girl/girl scenes), Carey is already a popular and recognized star. She has been the cover girl on six national men's magazines in the last three months alone, and has been a featured guest on 'The Howard Stern Show' three times. She has never done a boy/girl scene before, either on video or in magazines.

"Mary Carey is larger than life, both literally and figuratively," stated Kick Ass president Mark Kulkis. "She's 5'9", blonde, and has the most amazing, all-natural, double-D tits I've ever seen in my life. And she has a vivacious personality to match her body. She was born to be in front of the camera. She's the perfect contract girl."

The first volume of Carey's series is scheduled for a May release. It will be sketch comedy along the lines of the Tracy Ullman Show, with Carey appearing in every scene. She is tentatively scheduled to do two boy/girl scenes in the first volume.

"Mary already has a huge fan base, and they've been chomping at the bit waiting to see her do a guy on film," Kulkis added. "Frankly, I don't think there's a red-blooded male in America who won't want to see Mary Carey get fucked!"

Kick Ass Pictures is based in downtown Los Angeles. Distributors can order Kick Ass products by calling toll-free: 800-765-1220.

I spoke with Kick Ass Picture's first contract girl, Kelly Kickass, this morning and asked about her reaction to the news.

jd: Kelly, what do you think about today's announcement?

kk: Well, the news came as a big surprise to me. You'd think Mister Big Shot Mark (Kulkis) would have had the decency to tell me about this before he went public with it.

jd: You had no idea Kick Ass was about to sign Mary Carey?

kk: Not a clue. That's what's upsetting me about this.

jd: Now that you do know, how do you think this will effect Kelly Kickass's future with the company.

kk: I have no idea. Mark made me a lot of promises--a lot of special promises that were sealed with a ...

jd: With a kiss?

kk: Amongst other things. Anyway, I thought we had a special relationship. Now I don't know what to think.

jd: How would you compare Mary Carey to yourself?

kk: Puhleez... I don't want to sound like sour grapes, but that bitch doesn't have a thing on me. I could suck a dick in my sleep better than her.

jd: According to the press release, Mary's never done a boy/girl scene in front of a camera. She might perform better than you think.

kk: Just because some bitch licks pussy for a living doesn't mean she can suck dick.

jd: I'm sensing a lot of anger in you over this.

kk: I don't get mad. I get even.

jd: Are you declaring contract girl war on Mary Carey?

kk: Right after I straighten out Mister Hot Dog Sucking producer. He can shove those tube steaks right up his ass. Listen, I have to go.

jd: Any parting words for your fans?

kk: Yeah. Don't count Kelly Kickass out just yet. Some blonde lesbian with big tits ain't going to cause a hiccup in my career. I really have to go, bye...

And she hung up.

More as this story unfolds.

"