Mark Kulkis, the hot dog munching CEO of Kick Ass Pictures, responded to my article about Mary Carey's tits in an email this morning. Mark has illuminated me on the subject of real vs. fake tits. And no, a guy 'illuminating' another guy is not a trendy name for a new, gay, sex practice.

Mark writes: "Jimmy-- To answer your rhetorical question – yes, a lot of guys do care whether a girl’s tits are real or fake. Guys like me. Have you ever had sex with a woman with fake tits, Jimmy? It just ain’t the same. In the back of your mind, there’s always that niggling fear that if you squeeze them too hard, they’re gonna burst like a water balloon. And when you’re sucking on her nipples, trying to turn her on, you’re always wondering, “Can she even feel this?” And when you’re giving her the ol’ one-guy cream pie, perhaps fantasizing about her fertile womb conceiving your child, you have to shudder at the mental image of a girl with implants trying to breast feed a kid. For all these reasons and more, I personally find it impossible to jerk off to a girl with fake tits. That’s why I refuse to use them in my movies. And from the fan mail I get, I can assure you that there are a lot of kooks like me out there with the same mental block. -- Mark Kulkis"

jimmyd sez: Thanks for enlightening me, Mark. A couple of comments: First off, I don't "niggle." Not in fear or in any other way. And if, in fact, I've ever "niggled," I can assure you, I had no idea I was "niggling," while I was possibly, uhmm, "niggling." Second, if and when the words “Can she even feel this?” ever enters my mind during sexual intercourse, it's usually got more to do with personal insecurity and penis size. Third, I don't think I've ever fantasized about "her fertile womb conceiving your (my) child," although I have often feared that might be taking place. And finally, although the mental image of some girl breast feeding a possible child of mine does not often enter my mind while I'm fucking said girl, I guess I can see where that might be food for thought for you and some of your kooks out there, especially if you're trying to drum up an image to prevent yourself from prematurely ejaculating. Personally, when I want to hold off from blowing a load, I usually call up the images of some of my favorite Looney Tunes characters, or sometimes I think about baseball.

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