As I've often mentioned, I don't get out much. But last Friday evening I headed out to West Hollywood's Five-Star rated Le Mondrian Hotel to get behind a camera for Digital G and Adam and Eve.

Le Mondrian, in case you're not up on posh, L.A. hotels, is owned by supermodel Cindy Crawford and her hubbie, Rande Gerber. It's also home to The Sky Bar, one of the hippest night spots in Hollywood. The Sky Bar is on a very short list of joints where it's *the* place to be seen. So if you're into celebrity-spotting, or you've deceived yourself into believing you're some kind of celebrity, the Sky Bar is definitely the place to be.

If you're feeling very trendy and want to visit Le Mondrian, it's located on Sunset Boulevard, across the street from the The Comedy Store. Don't look for some landmark-looking building. Le Mondrian is housed in a non-descript, office-type building that cleverly camoflages this Hollywood retreat for the rich, the famous, and the wannabes of the aformentioned.

I arrived at Le Mondrian with Avalon's and Scarlet Tower's honcho (honcha?), Gigi Appleton, riding shotgun in the 'Burb. (Scarlet Tower is Digital G's domestic distributor.) We pulled up to the valet parking area and this valet, decked out in white pants, white shirt, and white shoes, comes running up and tells me Le Mondrian's parking lot doesn't have parking spaces large enough for my trusty '85 Suburban.

"Park it where you park the limos," I told the valet, trying to dismiss him with a wave of my hand.

The valet shook his head, smiled condescendingly, and in some thick Middle-Eastern accent, informed me I'd have to park across the street in the Hyatt Hotel's public parking lot. As you might guess, I'm a bit butt-hurt by this obvious dis' from some West Hollywood camel jockey, and I'm about to voice my outrage when Gigi gives me this look that says, "chill." Ok, I chilled.... and then decided to try using my well-practiced, Obi Wan Kenobe, Jedi mind-trick on him. "Let these droids pass," was what I was about to say when Gigi suddenly jumps out of the truck and heads for the door.

"I'll see you upstairs after you park," she shouts back at me, disappearing through Le Mondrian's non-descript front doors. Nice. Now I totally feel like Rodney Dangerfield.

Anyway, fuck it. If '85 Suburbans don't get much respect in that part of town, it's there loss not mine. Probably a gay thing. I'm in West Hollywood, after all. What do they know about a real man's truck in West Hollywood. Nothing... obviously.

So after parking in the $10 Hyatt public parking lot where, I might add, '85 Suburban's are welcome, and maybe even envied and admired, I walked back across the street to Le Mondrian and took the elevator up to some stratospheric floor of the building and found the suite I was supposed to be at.

I knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Someone asks.

"LAPD," I answer.

The door swings open and it's the Silver Fox himself, Robert Lombard. Robert is Digital G's Director of Talent amongst other things. He also heads up Creative Image Management, a full-service casting company where porn stars become movie stars. Anyway, I had this big dumb grin on my face, but I knew Robert knew it wasn't the cops at the door-- LAPD doesn't patrol West Hollywood, the County Sheriffs have that beat, and I figured Robert (being a fairly knowledgeable kind of guy) probably knew that.

"Very funny," Robert says as I walked in to the two-bedroom, everything-in-white (the walls, furniture, drapes, everything) suite to find Jessica Drake sitting, tits out, in a make-up chair, with Dolorian, Monique Alexander, and Evan Stone lounging semi-naked on the bed. I said my "hellos" and made my way into the suite's living room to find Robert, Gigi, and the rest of the Digital G crew milling about, noshing on trays of cold cuts, cheeses, fruits, and some other stuff ordered from room service that was too high-brow for me to even know what the fuck it was.

I'm introduced to the people I don't know. I say hi to those I do know, and then quickly apply myself to setting up the lights, the camera, monitor, and the rest of the equipment we'll be using.

And let me just make a small comment about Digital G's equipment. As a pornographer I've grown accumstomed to using equipment that might have been manufactured in the 19th century. Not so for Digital G. There shit is state-of-the-art, and it's the kind of shit that has hefty price tags on it. The Sachtler tripod alone costs more money than most cameras I often use--about nine grand for them sticks. And I swear that nearly-brand-new, very expensive Sony Betacam SP had that new-car smell! And this ain't rented equipment--it belongs to the company--and I understand they have three, complete sets of this stuff!

So we're there to shoot some tape that will go in between the scenes of a show Adam and Eve will put out. The program will feature scenes from some of Digital G's movies, and in between the scenes, Evan, Jessica, Monique, and Dolorian will pitch some of Adam and Eve's products like lingerie, lube, toys... it's sort of like commercials in between the scenes. Only in these commericials, the actors are naked and sort of having sex... Sort of.

The pitch is mostly aimed at couples. Just like a real commercial, we tell you where you can buy these cool products. And since I'm such a nice guy, I won't make you wait to see the tape to know where you can buy these Adam and Eve products yourself. You can call 1-800-765-ADAM, or log onto Adam and Eve's website by clicking right HERE.

Back to the shoot: Everything went great. We shot all we needed to shoot in 'Guinees Book of World Records' time, packed up the gear, made doggie bags out of what was left on the room service trays, and got ready to depart the very trendy Le Mondrian.

The girls all got dressed in some very slinky, sexy shit and headed out with Evan to the Sky Bar. That fucking Evan has some life! I grabbed Gigi, and after saying our g'bye's, we headed to the Hyatt's public parking lot where the 'Burb patiently waited to taxi us home.

Another night in the playpen of the damned. Fortunately, I still made it home in time to catch a re-run of Law & Order.

Like I said, I don't get out much.

If you'd like to comment on this story, here's a good place to do so.

"