PLAYING TO THE FEDS :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Ya gotta hand it to them: those Extreme guys seem to be of single-minded purpose when it comes to being the architects of their own demise.

I just read Gene Ross's review of Extreme's latest offering, "Extreme Teen #24," and if this videotaped dramatization of some of the most reprehensible sex acts human beings can engage in doesn't attract the attention of the same law enforcement officers currently investigating the company, I'll be surprised.

One of the most universally abhored sex practices known to man is incest. Especially incest that occurs between a father and his daughter. And of course, that's exactly one of the sex acts Extreme's director, Stanley Ferrara (who?) chose to includ in this eroticless endeavor.

Here's what Gene had to say: "Ferrara opens with jacks or better in the poker game of the damned by depicting a scene of Rod Fontana fucking his luscious daughter Clarissa in the ass. Blond and strong of butt, Clarissa's being ragged on because she doesn't have dinner ready for Fontana who uses this as an excuse to bring up her grades and other salient points that will somehow be cantilevered into a sex scene on the kitchen counter top. Like a hand held vac sucking up all the vestiges of popcorn kernels, Fontana's in her mouth deep but figures why stop there. Bending her over the kitchen counter, Fontana pulls Clarissa's white panties aside and takes all sort of sexual license with her ass managing some phenomenal gapes along the way. The "oh daddy" ass fuck in the doggie position is particularly strong and the best in this medley. The river Avon never flowed as sweet as the cum lingering and swelling to a white tide in Clarissa's shit hole."

Gene--How's that crack habit? "The river Avon never flowed as sweet...?" The river Avon never seemed so polluted with shit and toxic waste would be a better description.

Gene goes on to say, "Granted, implied father-daughter relations are not for everyone."

No shit Gene. And thank God for that. You and your Extreme buddies must take great pleasure knowing you're playing to the absolute lowest form of porn freak. I guess when you're incapable of putting out anything that could actually compete in the marketplace, that's all there's left to do. You guys must be proud.

Gene later writes: "But it's with the next scene that Stanley hits for the dysfunctional cycle with Valentino giving an absolutely creepy and chilling performance as a pedophile masquerading as a magazine salesman. In pajamas sucking a pacifier, Black Cat isn't just jail bait, she's a school of tuna. She's not supposed to let strangers in the house, Cat tells Valentino who obviously never let no for an answer get in his way. But give the man extraordinary credit. Valentino's' got the smarmy patter down and pretty soon draws Cat into a conversation about "Pokeyman" with a disturbing rhythm that inches onward to the inevitable."

Hey, why don't you guys just put out an informative educational tape on "How to Seduce Children?" Oh, wait, I almost forgot. You can't 'seduce' a child because even if you trick them into agreeing with what you want to do to them, it's still rape. Ok, so how about an informative educational tape on "How to Rape Children?" You see, whether you want to cop to it or not, that's pretty much what you're fucking doing.

Personally, I think I'd rather watch some girl lick the shit out of a homeless guy's asshole than this shit.

"Extreme Teen #24" is directed by Stanley Ferrara (who?), and stars Ryan Meadows (who?), Black Cat (who?), Clarissa (who?), Terri Hendrix (who?), and Brie (who?), and is brought to you by the soon-to-be-indicted Extreme Associates.

Marketing Tip: If you're a storeowner, you might consider clearing your shelves of Extreme product unless your accountant says you need to expense some hefty legal fees for tax deductions.

If you'd like to comment on this story, here's a good place to do so.

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WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised