It's been a few days since I've updated. I even got some phone calls like this one:

"Hey! You ok?"

"Yeah... why?" I ask.

"You haven't updated."

"Oh. I've been busy." I say.

"Ok. Just making sure you're ok."

"Well, yeah.. I am. But thanks."

"Ok."

"Ok."

Click... dial tone.

The truth is, I have been... busy, that is... real busy. I've been Mr. Mom for the past four days. And here's another truth: Being Mr. Mom is more work than work.

But now I'm back.

Here's another phone call I received just this morning.

"Jimmy D-- Did you see the E! True Hollywood Story about The Sopranos last night?"

"No. I didn't catch that. I was busy." I answer.

"You should have seen it. They talked about your movie, The Sopornos."

"No shit?"

"Yeah. They even showed clips... quite a few clips. Mostly of Herschel Savage. And do you know what one of the cast members said?"

"No. I didn't see it." I remind my caller.

"He said something like you know you've made it when they either name a candy bar after you or parody you in a porno."

"No shit?" I ask.

"No shit."

"Well, thanks."

"No problem."

Click... dial tone.

And this got me to thinking. Has there been another porn title in the past decade or so that's gotten as much play as 'The Sopornos' has? At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, another title doesn't come to mind. And just so you don't think this is just about what was said on the 'E!' special, 'The Sopornos' has been mentioned or written about in TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, the Howard Stern Show, and lots of other publications and radio shows. Playboy Magazine also voted it one of the 'Best Porn Parody Titles' ever. I should also mention that Comedy Central's 'The Man Show' gave it a shitty on-air review. But fuck them.

And just so you know--and I guess this is a bit of a brag-- I wrote, directed, shot the camera, and edited 'The Sopornos.' So I guess I can safely say it's mostly my baby. That's not to say others didn't have something to do with it, but it was mostly mine. Hey, if you don't toot your own horn, someone's gonna use it as a spittoon, right?

There's been three sequels to the original 'Sopornos'. I wrote, directed, shot and edited #s 1 thru 3. I even co-starred in #2. VCA's Wit Maverick directed #4... which I guess represents a pretty good example of my horn being used as a spittoon analogy, but that's another story.

VCA's made a lot of money with 'The Sopornos' franchise. A lot of fucking money. Me, I made my director's fee for three of them. That's $6,000... plus I got paid standard editing rates. That's it. I guess I could retire on that, huh?

But that's the way it is in pornland. I know there's a lot of people who think we're all making bank in this business--and there are those that are-- I'm just not one of them. But I'm not crying about it. After all, someday I can tell my grandchildren that I made 'The Sopornos!' I can just see them, sitting up on my knees, their eyes getting all big with wonder.

"Really Grandpa?"

Of course, if this biz were a little more like its distant cousin, mainstream Hollywood, I'd be a fucking success story with something I'd created was to Hollywood what 'The Sopornos' has been to porn; at least in terms of sales, critical acknowledgement, and notoriety. In Hollywood they reward creative successes. In porn, being the guy behind something like 'The Sopornos' gets you squat, zilch, nada, zero. But again, I'm not crying. I'm just observing.

Just yesterday I was on the phone with my Mom. She lives about 1500 miles away. I don't call her as much as I should. In fact, I'm ashamed to say that most of my calls are of an obligatory nature, and yesterday being Easter Sunday, I was definitely obliged to call her. We were talking about this and that and as usual, my job came up.

"How's work going, Jimmy?"

"Oh, fine Ma. Same as usual."

"Are you ever going to do something different with your life?" she asked, like she always does.

"I'm always looking Ma."

"It's just that you're so talented, honey, and I wish you could apply that talent to something that wasn't so disgusting."

"It's not that disgusting, Mom."

"If you say so, but I just wish you'd look around."

"I am, Mom. I'm always looking."

We hung up moments later. I took a sip of my coffee. Maybe I do need to do something different with my life.



If you'd like to comment on this story, here's a good place to do so.






"