JUST LIKE MISERY, FAILURE LOVES COMPANY AS WELL :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "My publicly published admission of being a mainstream entertainment career loser net me some email this morning that I truly appreciated. I want to thank all of you who wrote me with encouraging words. You know who you are.

But let me also publicly state that I didn't write that chronology of Hollywood failure to ilicit sympathy. I did so in response to something the Porn Bard wrote on the Jizz Bizz Message Board regarding Hollywood rejects coming into the porn biz as a result of their failure to make it in Hollywood. you see, I'm not unhappy with where I am in life today. I'm not bitter. I'm not a beaten man. And more often than not, I enjoy what I do.

The bottom line is this: I love creating entertainment. I love being entertaining. And most of all, I love making filmed and/or taped entertainment. Most of all, I love making movies.

Whether I'm making a movie with a "G" rated dramatic or comedic theme, whether I'm hanging out the window of a Cessna 152 or sitting in the open doorway of a chopper at 3 or 4 thousand feet with a camera on my shoulder pointed at some new, military airborne weapons delivery system, or whether I'm focusing my lens on a penis larger than mine penetrating a pussy I wouldn't mind penetrating myself, I love this shit. There's nothing else I can imagine doing. I've been in love with photography, and later cinematography and videography, since I was a kid. I also love to write; especially when that writing comes to life on a screen. And even more so when I get paid to do it!

So don't cry for me Argentina, as the song goes. I'm doing what I've always wanted to do even if it's not always what I specifically wanted to do in terms of content.

One of the emails I received this morning came from Mike Quasar, aka Quasarman, who shared some of his personal thoughts and experiences on being a mainstream entertainment loser. Maybe I should make this a regular column-- maybe I'll call it "The Loser Files" or something.

Anyway, here's what Mike wrote--

"Jimmy D, the type of honesty displayed in your recent post detailing your crippling mainstream failure is a kind that is all too rare nowadays.

In an era where untalented hookers seeking to branch out from the limited creative garden of anal-themed docudramas get melodramatic hour long specials on VH1 and useless porno hacks with autofocus camcorders who believe "depth of field" refers to the game of football are retaining publicists, it is indeed refreshing to happen upon a humbled soul brave enough to shout from the highest mountain top, "I am a loser - hear me roar."

As a fellow pornographer and mainstream failure, I write to you today to show my solidarity and to hopefully put a period where there may previously have only been a comma. The bottom line, cut and dry, plain and simple, fluff and fold is this - If you are currently employed in the jiz biz it's because you were incapable of coping with real life. That's not necessarily a negative. Given the option of making a hundred-plus G's a year in politics, marketing and advertising or porn production, I'd choose porn production every time. However, those of us who did not seek a career in porn but simply wandered here out of either curiosity or coincidence will forever wonder what real life may have had to offer had they not been so easily sucked in by the low expectations of the porn industry. As some long dead pretentious literary figure once surmised, "Therein lies the rub" - low expectations.

In porn, the people who employ you don't expect you to know what you are doing. The people that buy the product don't expect it to look like it was made by people who knew what they were doing. So if you actually sorta kinda know what you're doing, you automatically move to the front of the line. Name another industry where that happens?.... other than politics?

You yourself have said on many occasions, Jimmy D, you can't flunk out of porn. You can flunk out of Microsoft and Sun Microsystems but it's unlikely anyone will even notice if the last porn movie you shot contained horrifying unfocused closeups lit by a luminaire of incorrect color temperature. It would be water under the bridge if you spent most of your production money for the down payment on a new Hummer instead of making a movie. People who would be unfit to water plants or clean rain gutters for a living in rea life are succeeding beyond their wildest dreams in porn valley. Some are taking in 6 figures a year yet somehow still can't find the time to file a tax return... or open a checking account.

But what about folks like you and me Jimmy D? Folks who's wildest dreams didn't include capturing the perfect "gaper". Well Jimmy, we are left to do our best to make sure that what we attach our name to has at least some of the i's dotted and t's crossed even though we know that nobody cares. We are left to channel whatever creativity we may still possess into making a movie that we know nobody really cares about. In short Jimmy D, we are left to try to apply as much of our right hemisphere as possible into what we do in the hopes that one day somebody will notice our efforts, yet simultaneously knowing full well that no one ever will. It's a thankless job but it sure as hell beats real life.

I'd like to take a moment at this time to recap my own cripplingfailures.... I was a member of an "up and coming" local band that never "up and came" despite a flurry of hype, promises, showcases and publicity. I was on the cover of several local music magazines and featured in one national music publication. I was "this close" to having songs composed entirely by me placed in the following films... "Die Hard 3" and the "Power Rangers" movie. I performed in a musical revue at Universal Studios Hollywood for a year and a half and again, I was "this close" to landing a role in a major Broadway production in New York. I actually spent 10 minutes talking to Dennis Miller after my first stand-up performance at the Improv. His advice to me? "Stick with it kid, you got moxy". I fully admit that I had no ideawhat "moxy" was and as you may have figured out, I didn't stick with it.

Stand-up is fun, Music is fun, but poverty sucks. Thank God for Porn!!!!

Quasarman

P.S. For the first time in many years, no alcohol was harmed during the production of this rant."

jimmyD sez: And for the first time in quite a while we've been treated to a glimpse of the "real" Quaze. Thanks for sharing, Mike. And I say that in all sincerity even though I truly hate using the word "sharing" in that kind of context.

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WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised