A REALITY CHECK FOR CARLY :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "I’m reading Carly Milne’s Pornblography site today, and Carly’s talking about her trials and tribulations in dealing with mainstream folk. If you didn’t know, Carly’s a publicist in this biz, and what she was writing about was the responses she gets from mainstream folks when she attempts to spin her PR shit to them.

Here’s a sample of what Carly wrote:

“Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been wrangling press for next week’s New York trip and a client’s party for this week. And it never ceases to amaze me how immature some adults can be from time to time when the subject of anything vaguely pornographic is brought up. Now, let me preface this by saying when I call around to speak to people about my clients, I conduct myself accordingly. I’m professional, I speak clearly, I get to the point. I do not phone people and say, “Hey, wanna come to a party where you’ll get to see two chicks fuck each other up the cornhole with strap-ons the size of your forearm, and then gape each other so wide that you could pilot a 747 through their large intestine?” Not that that’s what the party will have, but you get my point.

Still, despite how businessy I am about the whole thing, I get one of three reactions when I’m getting a turn-down:

a) In a disgusted voice, “What the hell would make you think I’d be interested in that?!”

b) Tons of giggling, followed by, “You’re not going to recruit me to be in a porno, are you?”

c) A hang up.”

Well, “D’uh, “ girl. “No shit!” Why is it that you--make that we--tend to think the rest of the world is so fucking captivated with what we do and who we are? Carly, do you remember when I wrote that stuff about walking down the long, long hallway at the Venetian to go into the AVN Awards Show? Yes? No? Maybe? Well, let me refresh you with a snippet from my article, because maybe it will help you understand why you get the kind of responses you get from these people:

“This year's AVN Awards Show started out like the others I've attended. First off, everyone gets to walk down this long corridor that's lined on each side with thousands of spectators. I'm choosing the word "spectators" over a word like "fans" because in my heart I know the vast majority of these onlookers are not fans, they are simply curious spectators or perverse voyeurs. When we, as an industry, strut our collective stuff down that hallway, it's like the circus just came to town. We are the jugglers, the sword-swallowers, the bearded ladies and the clowns. And the spectators are having a great time watching us--the freaks and the sideshow acts--as we stroll by... Make no mistake about it, to them we are carnies, freaks, one big, fucking side-show act. We might just as well have disembarked from a giant flying fucking saucer that just landed outside the Venetian Hotel! For we are also space aliens--strange creatures from another world who strip and prod, and fondle, and poke, and penetrate every orifice for all the world to see…”

You see, Carly, in the grand scheme of things no one outside of ourselves really gives a shit who we are. Sure, a lot of them like to jerk-off to the images we provide them. And the truth is, round about sweeps times, they will often seem porn-interested in order to garner some ratings. But by and large we are freaks and carnies to them. And outside of providing some perverse curiosity value, in their books we ain’t shit-- never have been and probably never will be.

You see, babe, it’s not that these people are “immature,” as you speculate, it’s that, for the most part, they really don’t give a fuck.

If you'd like to comment on this story, here's a good place to do so.

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WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised