I know this isn't exactly a timely review. But sometimes I do get around to watching shit I decided I might want to watch if I ever get a chance to watch it. Michael Ninn's "Perfect" falls into that category.

But although I tried my best to sit and watch Ninn’s sci-fi-themed, Private-funded porno, “Perfect,” I couldn't hack it. Not ten minutes into the flick I decided “Perfect” is way the fuck over my head. Maybe I’m not your average, sophisticated porn-viewer, but whatever the fuck that movie’s about, it sure as hell is way beyond me. I was very impressed with the fact that "NINN" is the biggest word on the box--bigger even than "Private," or "Perfect." And I'm sure that's why most people bought this movie. Fuck the hot chic, it says NINN-- 'nuff said, right? Maybe my next flick will simply be called DIGIORGIO. Why not? Stranger things have happened in this business.

Ok, back to the movie: First off, the freakin’ box threw me a curve right from the start. There’s this beautiful chic--I don’t recall her name and I’m too lazy to look it up—and she’s kinda bent over this really slick, vintage tricycle. But the movie takes place well into the future, so what this post-war-modernistic, 1950s, aeronautically-streamlined tricycle has to do with it, I really don’t know, other than it’s supposed to look cool and chic in a very retro kind of way.

A little bit into the movie the tricycle gets sort-of explained a little bit: that’s because it’s used by little Bridgette the Midget who is some scientist’s assistant. Bridgette rides the tricycle around the futuristic, high-tech-looking laboratory and I guess that makes it all make some kind of sense—at least to sophisticated porn viewers of which I’m not one of. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m surprised Ridley Scott didn’t have a major character in “Blade Runner” who was a midget-on-a-tricycle so he could have had him or her ride circles around Harrison Ford which brings me to guessing that “Perfect” is somewhat—at least in part-- inspired by “Blade Runner.”

I’m not going to review the whole movie because I couldn’t watch the whole movie. In fact, I quit looking at it soon after I saw futuristic, bounty-hunter-ish looking Nick Manning come up an escalator in slow-motion which looked more gay than cool, and this is like a measly twenty minutes into “Perfect.”

I did get to see one sex scene which was done very stylized (in a futuristic , everything-in-white, sort of way), but again, it was way over my head—over both my heads to be precise. To say nothing flowed through my veins in a Southerly direction during the sex scene would be an understatement.

To be fair, this movie maybe gets better if you’re someone who can understand what’s going on from the beginning and stick with it to the end. Me, I’m the kind of simpleton who needs to have some kind of idea what the fuck is going on right from the start. So with this in mind, “Perfect” sure ain’t for me. If it’s for you, well, you’re a better man than I, Gunga Din.

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