Alexander the Poet, a.k.a. the Porn Bard, finally gets some booty for the many hours he’s spent toiling at his computer creating love sonnets for the adult industry and the colorful characters who inhabit it. No, I'm talking about THAT kind of booty, I'm talking about the other kind of booty: you know, like swag, a treasure, that kind of thing.

Robert Lombard, the gracious Mr. Rogers of Porn, sent the Porn Bard a box of porn goodies including a Digital G baseball cap, a Digital G bowling-style shirt, and a couple of Digital G’s titles. Apparently, the gifts were meant to show Lombard’s gratitude for the epic poem the Bard recently penned, “Robert Lombard Made Cinemax.”

Personally, I’m confident that students of English Literature will someday find themselves reading—as required reading-- the collective works of the Russian-born Porn Bard.

Perhaps the Porn Bard’s good fortune will continue and someone in the XXX industry will see fit to send Alexander and all-expenses paid trip to the dentist’s office to fix those two front teeth. If that happens, maybe the Bard will actually score some of the other kind of booty, which the nearly thirty-year-old virgin sorely needs to get.

After all, an overbite is a terrible thing to endure, and I’m surprised the Bard hasn’t waxed poetically about his chipmunk-looking ivory in one of his literary masterpieces. But being the unselfish sort of artist he is, he can only think to dedicate his poems to others.

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