EROTICA EL LAY :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "My fucking feet hurt! Everytime I attend one of these things my fucking feet end up feeling like they've been beat with a nightstick...and my knees... I'm not even gonna go there. I guess I'm getting old, or I am old... whatever.

Erotica LA was, as usual, Erotica LA-- a freak fest where the porn carnies meet the porn fan carnies. I'll probably have some pics Monday or Tuesday, so for now I'll just post a few observations and remembrances of Erotica LA 2003 while they still linger in my feeble brain.

An indelible image etched in my mind includes Tera Patrick and Evan Whatshisname. This was one of those magic moments where I could kick myself for not having a fucking camera in my hand at the time. I was walking down an aisle that was behind the booth were Ms. Patrick was selling posters, or pics, or whatever she was selling for $20 a pop. And I'll admit, she had a line of marks waiting to give her a twenty that rivals most of the lines I've ever seen where Ron Jeremy was autographing. Since my vantage point was from behind her booth, I could see Tera seated at a table looking up at someone, but the thing that would have made this picture (if I had a fucking camera at the time) be worth a couple of thousand words was the image of Evan standing just behind Tera, his back to her, a big wad of those twenties in his hand as he feverishly counted the latest take with a big fucking grin on his face. It was too fucking rich! And let me take this time to officially welcome Evan to the wonderful world of suitcase pimping. Dude, you are now a full-blown, fucking suitcase pimp, and I have to say, you're little moneymaker with her new tits should do you well.... make that extra, extra-well!

Overall, the show seemed bigger to me than in previous years: more exhibitors, more attendees. AVN had this whole shebang very well organized. The security people weren't rude (at least I didn't witness any instances of rudeness), and the fans were very well behaved. I spent most of my time at the Smash Pictures booth where we had the luscious Ramona Luv, and the very delectable Simone, signing posters of my flick 2YOUNG4U (which both of them are featured in) and posing for photo ops with fans. Not once did any of us have to have a word with some overzealous fan with roaming hands and fingers-- I think that's a first.

Smash Picture's booth was located next to the Spearmint Rhino booth and sometimes the music got a little overbearing. I was on the verge of screaming in despair if I had to listen to one more fucking Eminem tune. Not that I have a problem with Eminem--I liked his movie and enjoy some of his music (which ain't that normal for an old, long-haired white boy who prefers Pink Floyd to almost anything)--but man-oh-fucking-man, it was like, "Enough already!"

A lot of girls pushed their tits into my face which is pretty normal for these things. My job, after all, includes writing them checks for some pretty fair amounts of money sometimes.

I hung out a lot with Digital G's Mr. Rogers, uhmm, I mean Mr. Lombard. And you know he writes a lot of checks too, but I don't think I saw one pair of tits mashed into his face. Maybe I'm just too sexy for my shirt or something and he ain't.

I met some new talent I hadn't met before. A really cute blonde named Sunshine (from Reno) stands out in my mind. What a fucking hottie. And then there was this other girl who has only done internet stuff and whose name I don't remember (although I have her card somewhere). She really wasn't all that, but she was wearing this short little plaid skirt and she was willing to mash her tits and other stuff against me, so that scored her some points; I might have to write her a check sometime soon. There was also these two mocha chocolate sisters (not just soul sisters, but real sisters too) who told me they do lesbian incest scenes together. I don't know how I feel about that--probably not too comfy. Oh yeah, there was this other really cute brunette who sat down in front of me for about ten or fifteen minutes and made sure her legs were spread far enough apart to afford me a great view of her shaved pussy. Man, it's a tough job, ya know what I mean?

Anyway, it's Sunday night, it's getting late, and I'm still in my fucking office catching up on some work I've needed to finish but couldn't because of all the editing I had to complete for the Smash Pictures promo (you wouldn't believe the rules they had on what you could and couldn't show in the promo reel which made it pretty freaking difficult to cut). I took off a couple of hours earlier today to see "The Hulk." Some pretty ok effects but the story was kind of slow for an action flick. And there was a bunch of story and plot stuff I couldn't follow too well, but maybe I was just tired. The trailer for "Terminator 3" looks fucking awesome and the trailer for "Pirates of the Carribean" looks pretty damn good too.

I'll probably write some more Erotica El Lay stuff tomorrow.

"


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