SO YOU WANT TO BE A PORNOGRAPHER? :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "Ok, you’ve made this incredibly exciting decision to become a player in the jizz biz. Either you, or some people you know, have some dough to put up to accomplish this. It’s a sure bet, right? An $8-billion industry filled with morons and low-lifes and being the smart guys you and your partners are, you’re going to cut yourself a hefty piece of this pie.

But before you spend yours or someone else’s dough, maybe there are a few things you should know.

First off, making the product is the easy part. It ain’t rocket science and it ain’t brain surgery; that’s why I’m in the production part of the business. And since you might believe this business is filled with idiots and misfits, be advised that this is the part of the business where most of them dwell. If the porn biz were a sea or a lake or a river, the production end of it is where most of the bottom-feeders swim. So if you actually have some smarts and some savvy, you’ll probably manage to navigate the production regions of the XXX industry.

Anyone with a video camera and the most basic knowledge of said camera’s operations can do this. And even if you don’t have any basic knowledge, switching these cameras to full auto-mode removes most of the danger of ending up with unusable tape out of it. Besides a camera and someone (maybe yourself) to shoot it, all you need is money. Everything needed to make a skin flick is available if you have the gold: the girls, the meat puppets, the locations, the crew, someone to make your box, a printer, and a duplicator. That’s not to say you’re going to make the “Gone With the Wind” of pornos, but since almost everything is sellable to some degree, you’ll probably end up with a product that—theoretically—could bring you back some money.

The next thing you have to do is sell your product. (And this is where you begin to enter shark-infested waters.) This is a bit harder than making the product, but again, it ain’t brain surgery, although you will need more skills than it takes to make this shit. There’s a couple of ways you can do this. You can either make a deal with one of a handful of distributors who represent producer’s products, or you can rent an office with a small warehouse, hire a salesman, get him on the phone with a list of buyers and sell the product. Easy, right?

Well, maybe.

There’s an awful lot of competition these days. You see, there’s a ton of product coming out each and every week. And the potential buyers of your product have long-term relationships with the people they’re already buying from. They need more porn coming onto the market like Eskimos need more ice. Bottom line: They don’t want your shit, even if it is coming from an established manufacturer's rep.

But the good news is that your new company doesn’t take “no” for an answer. The people at your company are good, really fucking good. You guys *could* sell ice to Eskimos. And the next thing you know, they’re all ordering your porn flick that’s so different from what everyone else is selling--- you know, it's cutting edge, never seen before, outside the envelope, a new level of porn--at least that's what you keep telling everyone.

Up to now, this all sounds like a walk in the park, right? Your piece of the $8 Billion pie is on its way!

Well, don’t go making a down payment on that second house or a new Benz just yet. You see, making this shit and selling this shit is fucking easy compared to collecting the money.

Collections, baby, that’s where it’s all at.

Be prepared to wait a long time for your money. And if you don’t have more to sell--and if it isn’t something that the guys you’re selling to can resell--you might not ever see your money from the first sales.

Your biggest buyers—the guys who take fairly good-sized numbers—are minimally going to make you wait 90-180 days for your money. In fact, once they have you strung out for 3 or 4 months, they’ll probably tell you they could cut a check right away if you’ll discount your invoices. Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Everyone’s playing with everyone’s money. And if the guys who’ve been doing this for decades still have to wait to get paid, where do you think that puts you on the buyers' lists to pay? At the freaking bottom, that’s where.

And let’s say you manage to make and sell a cable version of your epic porn masterpiece. You’re still going to wait till the cows come home to collect that money as well.

So if you’re about to join the exciting world of porn manufacturing just be advised that a lot of money is going to go out the door before almost any of it comes back in.

This has been a public service message brought to you by the good folks at simplyjimmy.com.

"


	Search


WARNING · Extreme Adult Content Discretion Advised