Ok, here’s my question: Who came up with this ad? What were they thinking? You mean to tell me that no one looked at it and said to themselves or others, “That is so fucking gay.”

C’mon guys, we’re selling sex here—straight fucking heterosexual sex—does anyone really think you get any mileage out of putting up a director’s dramatically-posed, “look how intense I am,” photo? If so, I think someone needs a straight-porn reality check. Didn't it occur to anyone to pose Raven with a couple of hot, naked chics at his side? Was there not enough limelight for that? Wicked certainly has at least a couple of hotties under contract there. I would think one or two of them would have been willing to jump into that photo and make eyes at Raven like he's the grand, high, exalted, mystic ruler of all things porno.

And just so you know, I don't have anything against Michael Raven and/or Wicked Pictures. I just think it's so fucking absurd when pornographers get so fucking pretentious.

Is Wicked forgetting that many (if not most) consumers are looking for jerk-off material? Even if it's a flick aimed at couples, you don't think that couple (probably most often the male half of the couple) wants to use it as a sex stimulator? You think any of these potential masturbators and/or fuckers are going to say, “I’m going to buy one of those Wicked Pictures flicks because that director is so intense, so hot, so fucking erotic, he makes my dick hard!” Well, maybe some will, but if so they’re probably going to be watching the wrong movie for their individual personal tastes and sexual orientations.

Here's an idea, how about next month Wicked puts an ad in AVN that has Michael Raven, Brad Armstrong, and Jonathon Morgan all holding hands and making goo-goo eyes at the camera.

Oh, and here’s what the text in the ad says (because I shrunk it down and you can’t read it): “Complex. Challenging. Just when you thought adult was all the same, a vision unlike any other hits the screen with an energy that has you riveted to your seat. Intensely erotic. And destined to keep you intrigued until the final frame. You’ve waited a long time to witness the glory days of a director whose time has come. Presenting Michael Raven. Exclusively Wicked.”

Are we talking about porn here? Fuck flicks? Ok, maybe the words “intensely erotic” belong in a porn ad, but the rest of that bullshit? You think maybe it's just a little over the top? Think about it, the only reason a porn viewer should be riveted to his or her seat is because their cum dribbled out of their sex organs and onto their asses, dried up, and now they're stuck to their chairs.

Wicked, please!

And just so you know the folks at Wicked ain’t cheap bastards, this is a two-page advertisement. The facing page has some more text that touts Wicked as the messianic company of porn, I guess because they now have Michael Raven.

I don’t know about any of you, but when I look at this ad all I see in my (admitedly seriously warped) mind’s eye is this…

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