Lombard and I headed down the stairs into the bowels of the Beverly Club. At the bottom of the stairs, we made our grand entrance into the bar area. It was sparsely populated, but then, it was still on the early side. I spotted Kelly and Hamilton Steele first; or they spotted me, I’m not sure. Kelly planted a wet, sloppy one on me. Ever the pornographer, I immediately wondered if she had just done a scene that day. I mean, c’mon, she’s a porn star. How do I know where those lips have been? Oh well, I put that thought away and reached around and gave her ass a nice squeeze. We chatted for a bit and I seem to remember AVN’s Tod Hunter came over. I was pretty sure Tod hadn’t done a scene that day, but I still resisted the urge to kiss him on the lips. Lombard was doing his best to look cool. I think he was still basking in the ego-glory of the two blondes in the Porsche 911 who had hit on us on Wilshire. He was dressed way better than I was wearing a nice, gray suit. I, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of dark slacks, a black shirt left mostly unbuttoned, and a wifebeater tee-shirt. Back in Jersey where I grew up we called wifebeaters “Guinea-T’s,” but that was then and this is now.

Adella had given us drink tickets so I wandered over to the bar and let Adella buy me a drink. Lombard--who has been on the wagon for a decade or more--ordered sarsaparilla or something. More people seemed to be coming in and the joint was starting to jump.

Porn’s favorite hillbilly showed up with DP’s contract girl, Jesse Jane. How the fuck South got that gig is way beyond me. But I don’t think Mike was getting laid at the end of this date. Don’t ask me why I thought that, but I sure didn’t see the beautiful Ms. Jane making anything that resembled goo-goo eyes at South. Sometimes you just get a feel for shit like this, and my feeling was that Mike was gonna end up his evening with his right-hand, if you get my drift.

RobbyD seemed to be on top of the world (Ma!). Robby’s a cool motherfucker and I like him a lot. I’m gonna watch and review his new flick, “Beat the Devil” real soon and I really fucking hope I like it. But you know me: I got this problem with telling shit straight. So we’ll see what happens.

I kind of lost track of my date: I think he was doing some serious schmoozing with who the fuck knows who. Suddenly and out of nowhere, these two geeks approached me with a camera and a tape recorder. They said they were from some print magazine called “While You Were Sleeping,” or something like that. These guys were right out of the movie “N.E.R.D.S.” They said the magazine they worked for was some kind of punk/porn rag. They were asking me the dumbest fucking questions. They said I was interesting. Ok.

Lombard finally reappeared with Wendy Devine in tow. Wendy looked good; I mean edibly good! The geeks soon turned their attention to Wendy and I made my getaway.

A lot of people were sitting in this other room where they were screening RobbyD’s movie. I gotta admit, most of them seemed to hang for the whole freaking thing. Maybe it’s good… who knows? It’s unusual for a bunch of pornsters to actually hang and watch a porn flick.

So now I’m thinking I should leave before I turn into a pumpkin. Suddenly I hear this girl yell, “JimmyD!” Its Pamela Peaks and some other large-breasted blonde whose name I don’t recall (sorry, I’m air-headed like that). Pamela gives me a big hug and is telling me how she reads my site everyday and I’m looking at her thinking, “Could she be the daughter of Carol Channing?” You remember Carol Channing-- she was a comedic actress possibly most famous for performing in “Hello Dolly” on Broadway. Check out the pic at the top of this article and tell me there ain’t a family resemblance!

I spent some time upstairs in the smoking section where Dru Berrymore showed up with Jaime Lee. I haven’t seen Jaime in I don’t know how long. She looks great and is going to school to be a vet or something. I talked ‘old-times’ with Jaime for quite a while until the geeks showed up again. I was beginning to think they were shadowing me. Thankfully, Felicia Fox materialized out of thin air and plopped onto one of the geek’s laps, pulled her tits out, and guided the geek’s hand to her right breast. That sure as hell took their attention away from me! Thanks Felecia.

Ok, I head back down to the party to find Lombard so we can get the fuck out of there. I find him quickly enough and we both agree it’s time to go. We say a few goodbyes and get the fuck out of the Beverly Club.

Thanks Adella for having us! We had a swell time! But next time can I be one of your contract babes date? I promise I’ll behave.




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