Someone gave me a copy of a press release from Elegant Angel that lists just about everyone under the sun in the "CC" list... but me!

Geez... I get no respect!

But the truth is--respect aside--I rarely read press releases from anyone who sends them to me. Whenever I figure some email is a press release, I usually send it directly to the trash can. But I do feel a bit "dissed" that Jim Gunn could be on that CC list--hell, even Meni Troupakis is on the list--but not me. What's with that??? And if it bothers anyone that I usually shit-can press releases--please--take me off your press release CC list-- I don't particularly give a shit.

But since I wasn't "officially" sent this Elegant Angel press release, I decided to read it. After all, my ego told me, maybe there's some conspiracy afoot to keep something secret from me.

I've said this before: Pat Collins should be running for political office. And after reading this press release, I am more convinced than ever he could be a very successful politician.

The headline of the press release announces a change in Elegant Angel's management. It goes on to say that Elegant Angel owner, Pat Collins, will "resume" the position of General Manager. How that reflects a change in management is beyond me. E.A. is Collins' company; always has been. And according to just about everyone I've ever talked with, Pat Collins runs Elegant Angel regardless of who is listed as the official GM. So this isn't really a change of management, it's just an acknowledgement of who is really managing the company (which hasn't changed, but simply continues as its always been). So basically, the press release makes an announcement that is, in reality, an announcement that announces nothing new which is so like a politician.

Like I've said, Patrick Collins would make some politician!

The press release tells us that Axel Braun is no longer working in the official capacity of GM for the company. But the release goes on to say that Braun will continue producing/directing some lines for EA: movies like the "Squirting Adventures of Dr. G" and "Blow Job Adventures of Dr. Fellatio."

Hmmm... lots of Doctors over there at EA. And apparently blow jobs and squirting are always "adventures" in Pat Collins' little porn wonderland. Who would have known?

Collins says that Braun will direct the BJ line because, "We now have a shooter who understands... and loves the art of fellatio," which I'm thinking is a politician's way of saying he has a guy who actually loves getting his dick sucked. Man! Kudos to Pat! Its gotta be hard to find a guy who likes getting his cock sucked... Uhm... I mean, a guy who "loves the art of fellatio."

The best part of the press release, however, is when it talks about Braun's opus, "Compulsion." According to Collins, "Compulsion" won't be released in the U.S. because of the current political climate and also because Collins could not bring himself to ask Braun to "sanitize" the movie for U.S. consumption. Because of this, Collins will only be releasing "Compulsion" in European markets where they will appreciate the film's "strong euro-centric feel..." Collins also says that if he asked Braun to "sanitize" the movie, it would have "compromised the artistic integrity of the director." You gotta applaud Patrick: Apparently, he's one of those rare pornographers--perhaps the only one--who puts "artistic integrity" before monetary gain. Again, who would'a known?

But I can't help but think all this "artistic integrity" stuff and the "euro-centric feel" stuff is political-bonics for, "the movie sucks."

But I could be wrong.

Collins also mentions in the press release that Elegant Angel will return to its "legendary" porn style of "reality based gonzo," which might be political double-speak for "I'm not spending feature-film money on this shit anymore."

Where this decision leaves Elegant's other feature director, Tom Zupko, this reporter cannot say.



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