Here's how fucking bored I am with all of you: I'm gonna violate my usual practice of not publishing press releases and publish one.

Either a Frank Carulli or a Kelly Miller wrote in to me with this: "Jimmy-- I am handling the marketing and promotional responsibilities at Valley Pro Video Distribution and would like to introduce myself. Attached is a press release that I would appreciate you posting on your website. I hope this note finds you well and if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. --Frank Carulli (via email from Kelly Miller.)

jimmyD sez: Frank or Kelly: The beauty of having this web site is that, when I have questions or comments, I can simply put them up right here. So here goes: Who the fuck wrote this? The email sez it's from a Kelly Miller, but it's signed Frank Carulli. Are you guys fucking with me cuz you know I smoke too much herb? Or did the two of you write this shit together? And if so, is there anything else you two do together that I might want to know about? Cuz, you know, I'm really hard up for some shit to write about. By the way, if you're going to tell me some lurid stuff about what you two do together besides writing press releases, can you send some pics? My readers love pics--especially really nasty pics--cuz, you know, they're a bunch of preverts. That aside, here's the press release:

SLAIN WAYNE SIGNS ON WITH INXCESS.COM

Chatsworth, California - Valley Pro-Video Distribution Inc. (Inxcess.com) has signed SlainWayne, the multi-award winning Sub-Vision Films writer/director/editor, to be the exclusive distributor of his successful trio of series; "Teeny Bopper Bang," "New Chicks on the Cock," and "Cock Crazy Quickies."

SlainWayne, known for his cutting edge approach to film-making, has directed for Extreme, Smash and Kick Ass Pictures during his career. He has promised to provide his fans with freshest-faced girls (many never seen before) as well as innovations new to adult films.

“We’re looking to bring adult video entertainment to an all new level of nastiness,” Wayne said. “We’re looking to break the old rules and create a whole new way of entertaining people. You can definitely say it’s going to be GORILLA GONZO style. When the girls walk through our doors, we want them to be nothing but 110% nasty.”

Valley Pro-Video Distribution, Inc., a one-stop distributor, has been in business for over 10 years is associated with IN-X-CESS, Channel 69 and International Adult Amateur Video (IAAV).

If you have any questions or interview requests, please contact Frank Carulli at , or at (800) 786-7887

jimmyD sez: One small, comment Frank... or, uhmm, Kelly, or both... Did you mean to write "Guerilla Gonzo," as in "guerilla filmmaking? Or did you actually mean to write "Gorilla Gonzo," as in, uhmm... I guess Simian filmmaking? Cuz the last time I saw something remotely close to "Gorilla Gonzo" was when Buck Adams did that "Monkey Gang Bang" for Sin City and had a chimp wear a Helmet-Cam while the gang-banging went on. Is that kind-of what you're talking about? Something like that? Did Slain get himself a gorilla and a helmet-cam? Or are you two just fucking with a stoner's head again?







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