JIMMYD DISSED AGAIN-- BY ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL **UPDATE** :: Simply Jimmy D :: Breakin' News or Breakin' Balls: It's all the same to me!

jimmyd _writes "What am I? Chopped liver?

I hear that a lot-- I guess cuz there's so many Jews in porn and cuz that chopped liver thing is SUCH a little jewel of Jewish-American idiom... so of course I'd hear that a lot.

And chopped liver, it seems, I've become.

Right on the heels of my denial for a press pass to AVN's over-rated, over-blown, over-hyped, rule-driven Internext Show (see the article directly before this one), I cruise on over to my so-called friend Carly Milne's site only to discover that I've not made the cut as a judge for her FIRST ANNUAL PORNBLOGRAPHY AWARDS.

And just so everyone knows, I didn't ask to be a fucking judge. She asked me to be a judge. To wit, I replied that I would.

But now I read her list of judges and find that I'm not on said list.

And to add insult to injury, Carly writes on her site that she had to plead with people to agree to be judges. But Carly didn't send a "plea" to me... she simply asked and I answered.

Maybe there's a Pornblography rule I haven't adhered to? Maybe there's some little-known Pornblography pre-requisite for becoming a judge for her joke awards that made me ineligible? Maybe I'm just not funny enough to be a judge... or clever enough... or witty enough? Maybe I have B.O? Maybe I'm not female-friendly enough? Maybe I'm just a fucking troll?

I don't know what to say. I'm crushed. I'm really crushed. I don't deal well with rejection and now, in one fucking day, I've been dealt two, massive, rejection blows!

And now, all I want to do is lash out and reject someone else... make someone else feel the kind of pain I've had to endure today.

Waitaminute... there's that email I got from Quasarman just this morning... lemme go get it....

Here it is.

Quasarman writes: "Dear JimmyD: This is the 76th time that I've sent you the following email. Forgive me if you did actually receive it and you're simply ignoring me........ I wanted to see if perhaps you wanted to actually be a guest on my show this week instead of the substitute host. Many of the comments that I've received suggest that a substantial part of the audience prefers you over me anyway. Plus, we agree on everything (except my membership to the Republican Party) and fear no repercussions for speaking the truth. Let me know if you want to do it this week or next or whenever. --Your pal, Q"

jimmyD sez: Q, I hate like hell to put you on the receiving end of my current rage over all the rejection I've received today, but if you truly are my pal, you'll understand.

Quaze-- I can certainly understand why many of your listeners prefer me to you... I'm funnier than you. I also have more "presence" than you do, as well as skill at the microphone. I'm quicker on my feet or sitting on my ass and that's probably why your audience prefers me to you. To be completely honest, Q, my unique charisma shines through on the radio in a way that your's never will. But that aside, let me tell you this: for me to take time out of my hectic and important schedule to be a guest on your droll show simply ain't gonna happen. It isn't my job to make your show worth listening to. I have this rule that you're probably not aware of: The rule states that I can tell whomever to go fuck themselves whenever I feel so inclined. And right now, my friend, I'm going to have to tell you to go fuck yourself in regards to your kind invitation.

Sorry, pal, but you can shove your invite right up your Vodka-soaked colon.

Your's Affectionately,

JimmyD

P.S. Wow! I almost feel a little better now... almost.

***UPDATE***

A warm, understanding, and empathetic Quasarman responds to my harsh rejection of his offer. It's nice when one's friends are there when you need them.

Quasarman writes: I feel badly about all the rejection you've been experiencing lately JimmyD, but mine was an attempt at embracing your fragile ego so that your unique charisma could shine if only for but one hour on a Friday afternoon.

But now that you've so publicly and humiliatingly shunned me let me just say this; In regards to you being funnier than me, I can't even use the hackneyed retort "Funnier LOOKING maybe" 'cause I am a pretty funny looking guy but having said said, judging by your own website lately, I often find grocery store flyers and parking tickets more entertaining. Secondly, it is my opinion that the only presence which you possess that I do not is your frequent presence at all-you-can-eat Italian buffets and backyard barbecue events.

I respectfully retract my friendly invitation and propose that you now shove it up your pesto coated colon.

With warmest regards,
Q

jimmyD sez: Thanks Q! I knew I could count on you to understand my pain.

"


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