Although I quit smoking last September (yep, cold turkey-- bow...pat self on back), I still have occassion to be in possession of a pack of matches now and then.

Matchbooks are a great way to advertise. The target market usually handles the advertising medium (the matchbook) as many times as there are matches. And since matches are potentially dangerous, the target market looks closely at the advertising medium each time he or she uses it...them...whatever.

Matchbooks are also convenient for printing short applications on the inside cover. Just fill it out, stick the matchbook in an envelope, address, stamp, and mail.

Recently, I had a matchbook with an application for home study courses. I thought, "Why not?" and mailed off my matchless, completed matchbook. Soon I received a catalog of courses from this home study company, and one really caught my eye: 'Investigative Journalism.'



Since I'm now simplyjimmyd's main reporter and journalist, I thought it would be in the site's interest for me to send away for the 'Investigative Journalism' home study course. I did, and I'm currently working my through Chapter One.

In Chapter One, I'm urged to investigate incidents that I already know something about. I guess they want you to start out easy before you take on stories like the mob's role in the JFK assasination.

So here are the incidents I'm looking into. I am, of course, hoping some of you can help fill me in on on the details of these sordid 'Tales of Pornography.'

Remember, these are actual events in the in the near-history of Porn. And also remember that when you help fill in the sleazy blanks, your annonymity is assured.

Story One: 'The Kidnapping of Ed Powers.' Yep, our favorite bus stop, dirty deb Ed was once kidnapped by a young woman and her biker friends. It was reminiscent, I'm told, of the kidnapping of Jerry Lewis by Sandra Bernhart in the Robert DeNiro movie, "King of Comedy."

Story Two: 'The Attempted Murder of Jonathon Morgan.' That's right, long before Wicked Pictures' funnyman director, Jonathan Morgan, was a multiple Best Comedy AVN Award Winner, he was simply a dick. A dick in movies, that is. And we're told Jonathan had an interesting social life. So interesting that his girlfriend attempted his murder. The pistol-packing mama was sent to prison for her errant deed, but upon her re-entry to society, kind-hearted (some might say, dumb fuck) Jonathan invited her to once again share accomodations with him.

Story Three: 'The Armed Robbery of David Sturman.' He's Porn's one-time petulant party boy, and Mister GQ himself. CEO of Sin City, Bay Management, GVAwest, and numerous other jizz-bizz related companies, and the princely son of legendary pornographer, King Ruben Sturman, The elder Sturman was a multi-gazillionaire who some say invented the modern-day biz, yet ended up doing hard time for, what was once described to me by an extremely close business associate of the younger Sturman, "...having pockets that were a judge or two short!"

Apparently, Prince David (between him and his father, it's almost old testament biblical, huh), anyway, the ever-friendly David once had an open-door office policy that almost cost him his life, in addition to a sizeable amount of cash. He now works in the newly remodeled GVAwest fortress: A state of the art secure building that rivals the paranoid security precautions of Mark Carrierre's Van Nuys warehouse. Sources tell me the ski-masked culprits were never apprehended, but a very 'inside' job has been always suspected.

So let's get those emails rolling in! I think we'd all agree these "Tales of Pornography" are fun and worth the telling.

Perhaps in future installments of "Tales of Pornography" you, the readers, can tell me which porn stories and legends you'd like me to investigate.

This is Geraldo....I mean JimmyD signing off for now....
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