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KID VEGAS ON A RAMPAGE... AGAIN!
_POSTEDON 2002-05-09 09:17:02 by jimmyd |
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 jimmyd _writes "
I'm probably seriously dating myself here, but years ago there were these commercials for some margarine company and the tag line for them was "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature."
The gist of it was this: This margarine (I can't remember which one, I'm olde, remember?) tasted so much like real butter that it fooled even Mother Nature, but Mom N. didn't take too kindly to the foolery, so she would unleash a well-targeted hurricane, or lightning bolt, or some other devastating 'Act of Nature' against the culprits.
Kid Vegas, once again, is on a rampage! Over at Luke Ford, the Kid's unleashed all kinds of 'Acts of Vegas' upon those that are fooling with him. As usual, Extreme Associates, more precisely Gene Ross and Rob Black, are his primary targets.
After reading the Kid's rant, I'm still not sure what the latest transgression was (commited by the Extreme guys), but whatever it was,it sure set the Kid off.
In his rant, the Gen-X pornster unveiled--like Geraldo Rivera at the entrance to Al Capone's secret treasure chamber--the secret sex life of Gene Ross. Personally, I'm not really sure what to believe of this, but I did take some pleasure in thinking that if 'snake-handler' Vegas' words were on the money, I have a better sex life than Gene. Gene's toupee was also a venomous Vegas target.
The Kid also gave away Extreme's business address, I suppose in hopes that it might attract a Jeffrey Dalmer or Ted Bundy type, or even maybe fulfill an obvious Extreme fantasy, and attract the real Zodiac Killer to the company's location. Personal shots at Rob Black were in abundance. Tommy Byron, it seems, is not on the Kid's shit list. And he calls on Tom Zupko to be the cautionary voice within Extreme's inner circle. From what I hear, Zupko is the sensitive type. Of course, we all already figured that. It takes sincere sensitivity to stuff pages of the bible up a girl's ass, or have a chic raped by lepers and try to pass it off as art.
In his rant's coup d'grace, the Kid called on authorities to unleash a plague of legal locusts upon Extreme Associates for, among other things, pandering to pedophiles and kiddie porn sites, as well as a variety of other insults to humanity.
Apparently, like Mother Nature, it's not nice to fool with Kid Vegas.
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In other Kid Vegas news, a simplyjimmyd reader wrote in, cleverly extrapolating something I overlooked: If Paul Flashburn is porn's Don Quixote, Man of La Mancha (as I so dubbed him in a previous article), then Wanker Wang is surely his trusted sidekick, Sancho Panza. And if the Wangster is Sancho Panza, then Kid Vegas must be the well-loved, fathful ass on which Wanker rides.
Sorry Kid, I don't write all of this shit. Sometimes I'm just quoting others. And as Forest Gump might say, 'funny is as funny does.'
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